Sunday 30 March 2014

I'm still alive

I am still writing in this thing! I have a couple of draft posts saved, they'll be up soonish! I've worked every day but one this week (thanks, Lydia!) and I probably will be taking on more shifts whenever they come up, Noah care permitting, because I'm trying to save enough for Asylum.

And it's hard. There's some Steve Madden boots and sandals, and a pair of Dune wedges that keep trying to have eye-sex with me. But the £95 that the boots would cost, and the £40-something the sandals would cost, and the £30-something the wedges would cost (on my discount, anyway) would amount to Jared's photo op and autograph, and Misha's photo op. So I have to resist the pretty shoes. But damn, they're fine!

It's less than 50 days until the convention! Three weeks until mcbusted! Two months until Katy Perry! So excited about life right now. Also, I've almost finished one more fan fiction, I've got a sequel to it (well, third in a trilogy of short stories) to write, and Camp NaNo starts in two days, so time to rejoin Carter and Lambrini for their Senior year. Lydia and Sammie will be getting it as I complete 10,000 words again, you poor suckers! That really motivated me in November's NaNo.

And it's mother's day today. Boy gave me a guitar spatula from Menkind. Thanks? He said he picked it because I like rock music (yeah, I'm looking at the Katy Perry mention too) so the thought was there. Got my mum some burberry perfume and moisturiser. We're taking her for a meal in Maldon at five thirty, so I have to work out how to get there from Lakeside in about fifteen minutes (my sisters know I'll be late!) I think it's more like a forty minute journey? I'll be in Maldon again in a few weeks for Sarah Banham's book launch. It's the first one I've attended, and I think Sarah-Jane and Gerald will be there too, so it'll be like a mini NaNo meet up.

God, do you remember when I worked at McDonald's and I'd moan about everything because my life was ruled by greasy food and buttmunches? Life is so exciting right now!

**edit** I have actually had a really shitty mother's day. Didn't know where else to vent. Don't really want to vent too much. Just, my siblings and I work hard on mother's day, but then when it comes to stuff from Noah my parents are so half-assed about it. I've been going non-stop today, got Noah home, and then when I'm tired my dad acts like a prick and opts out of giving me some time to rest so he can watch a shitty police show. Whatever. I'm so over birthdays and days like today where there's so little effort that it's more insulting than no effort. I'm not getting up tomorrow morning, he can sort his own shit out tomorrow.

Sunday 23 March 2014

Sexuality. Part 2.

So, someone on my twitter feed - mentioning no names out of respect - has shared a blogpost about Asexuality, and the fact that it does exist. And I couldn't resist messaging her to thank her for it.

It's not something I advertise hugely, although I have referenced it a couple of times. Particularly in another post with the same title (hence the part two). But I identify as graysexual, which is a little bit like asexuality, but you're not entirely apposed to sex. I can't explain it very well, except maybe to parallel it to other romantic situations. Like marriage. You know what a big commitment that is, right? That's the sort of thought process I go through with the idea of flirting. And going beyond that is a little bizarre to me. If I do, and it works well, I'm more open to casual dating, maybe. It must be akin to walking down the aisle with cold feet, me dating.

And I'm not one to talk about sex full stop, because it's a private thing between two - or more - people. But I guess to fully get across how I feel I have to go there. Because I guess, I already have. I have a kid, right?

See, the thing is, when you're a Grace, it's not entirely ruled out. I've slept with two people my entire life. One who I was in a good relationship with, and one was the rebound from him. And I know people are like, 'oh, sex is amazing' but really, no. It was boring. I tried, you know? I tried to be into it, but it's just … it's kind of gross. And painful. Not like that, I always get a cramp in my leg just doing stretches for exercise. It's awkward. I just … you guys can keep it, and I can keep making jokes about it, deal?

The thing is, when I try and word it right, it sounds like I got stuck in a fantasy constructed by Disney, that I'm waiting for my One True Love. But I'm really not. It's just that I can't process the idea properly. You know how you go 'hey, that person of the sex I am attracted to is cute, I'll talk to them and flirt a little and see if this can go further'? I can't do that. I go 'hey, that person is cute. Hey, it turns out they're pretty cool! Hope we can hang out again some time.' Conversely, I can look at someone like a celebrity, and be like 'he's cute, wish he was my friend, or maybe something more' but I think that level of lithromancy comes from knowing that nothing would actually happen. I wouldn't want it to.

I get judged for this all the time, not because people know I'm a Grace, but because they don't know what it is or why I am like I am. Like, my mother tells me every so often she suspects I'm a lesbian. Thanks, Mum. How do you even answer that? It's not insulting, because why should being a lesbian be insulting? But it's frustrating that her world view is so limited to 'if you're not in a relationship for more than x years, you must be gay.' Why can't I be polyamorous? Why can't I be a total Ace? How do I explain to someone with such a limited knowledge on sexuality exactly what goes on in my head?

Or like at my work. I work with such lovely people, but a few of them do talk about sex frequently, and I have found myself in awkward conversations with people, when they find out it's been seven years since Noah's conception and the last time it happened, and they can't fathom why it doesn't bother me. Or a couple of the guys were joking and talking about how one of them should lie to some girls who were flirting with him about being gay, so they would back off. And I said, equally jokey 'that doesn't stop some girls' so they instantly asked if I'd heard it a lot. Um, no, it was a joke, it wasn't about me, and what makes you think I hit on guys frequently?

Or with my son. Yes, I have a child. Yes, he is the only one. He will always be my only one. I will NOT be pressured into doing something I don't completely enjoy just to make others feel better about my son being raised as an only child. When I was younger and believed I had to be in a monogamous relationship and be a mother, I did say I wanted kids. But growing older and coming out of the sheltered existence I was raised in has really helped me work out who I am and what I'm about, particularly in the last few years. I'm sure at the time I'd been convinced my heart was in it when I said I wanted three kids, but even then, I know I didn't see myself in a sexual relationship.

It's not an easy thing, to be a minority sexuality that people question the existence of. My assurance that it must because I am doesn't seem to be enough. You get all sorts of shit, the above 'well maybe you're a lesbian' or 'well, you haven't met the right guy yet'. No, I haven't, and it's dubious I will. That's the point. But if it happens, I'm not going to put the boot in it just because I'm clinging to fear. And if that's what people think graysexuality is, then they're totally clueless. It's not being fussy, or controlling, or stuck in a fantasy land. It's a choice based on what I'm comfortable with.

I wish stereotypically monogamous heterosexual people got this kind of shit. And I'm sorry if talking about this makes anyone half as uncomfortable as I currently am, but I'm sure you can understand why I feel compelled to write this, correct?

I guess it makes it even stranger that I do read erotica occasionally, and I'm actually pretty good at writing emotions in my work. But you know why? I read erotica to see if I'm normal in any way, because I'm made to feel like my life choice is so strange. Except with Cynthia's stuff, that's just helping a friend out. Plus, she writes such quirky characters that I can overlook all the rubbing and touching and junk. As for me being an emotional writer? Dude, I'm graysexual, I still have feelings. People who know me well know I'm passionate, and I love loudly and I can be scary when angry and when I'm upset, it's a physical thing, not purely crying, but almost a tingling sensation all over my body. I can still connect on an emotional level, just like anyone else. And maybe it's because I do feel these things so strongly that I can't just let anyone in. You have to be freaking special in my eyes to earn it.

Graysexuality isn't a burden, not at all. It's a blessing. It's just others attitudes that makes me feel like it's a burden.

Siobhan watches: Supernatural. Season One, Episode Eleven. "Scarecrow."

This episode opens up the narrative for the next few seasons. Which is funny, because so many people lament the end of the 'monster-a-week' theme from this season and the next, but the overall arc has been there all along, and they still do the 'monster-a-week' bit. I know I've probably already stated this. But this episode is a prime example of that, because Sam and Dean come up against a monster, but they're also about to get roped into the world of demons, full on. That episode in the plane was nothing compared to what's coming.

We start in Burkitsville, Indiana, a year previously. A man is filling his car at a gas station, as a young couple leave the local diner. The owner gives them an apple pie to go, on the house, and the girl thanks them profusely. She says they need to get lost more often, because the townsfolk are so nice. The guy shakes hands with the diner owner, and their daughter compliments his tribal tattoo.

The diner owners start giving directions back to the interstate, and the guy thanks them. He drives through the dark, and his car conks out just by the town's orchard. He pulls his cell phone out of his pocket, and that's died too. They climb out of the car and see a light towards the other end of the orchard. Thinking there's a house inside it, they begin walking through the orchard.

Halfway through, they see a scarecrow on a post, stopping and looking at each other before walking closer. They peer up at it. The guy quotes from the scarecrow in Wizard of Oz, and she tells him if he had a brain, they wouldn't be lost. He says thanks, then points out how freaky the scarecrow looks. She says it scares her, and as they walk away, she sees its head move. She asks him to hurry, and they carry on walking towards the light at the end of the orchard. Before they've gone very far, though, they hear twigs snapping under foot, and wheel around to look at what could have caused that. They begin to run, and suddenly, the guy isn't there any more. She realises that he's not there, and stops, calling his name and looking around. She hears more branches snapping underfoot, and begins running back to the car. She trips, and realises she's stepped on his broken body. She looks up, and begins screaming. As her screams increase, we see the scarecrow post … without the scarecrow.

This is the first episode that hasn't recapped everything so far, by the way. I've seen Jeepers Creepers 2, this is so a play on that, at first anyway. Because you think Sam and Dean are going to settle with impaling the beast to a barn roof?

The scene cuts to the final few moments of the last episode, so we are now back in the present. In the motel room, Dean's phone rings on the bedside table. It wakes Sam up, and though he tries to wake Dean up, Dean doesn't respond. Sam flips the phone open and answers.

And because I'm good to you people, love Sam and Dean, and want to narrate on everything that's a major storyline, their relationship, or just funny dialogue, the entire phone conversation:

Sam - "Hello?"
John - "Sam, is that you?"
Sam - *sitting up in bed* "Dad. are you hurt?"
John - "I'm fine."
Sam - "We've been looking for you everywhere. We didn't know where you were, if you were okay."
John - "Sammy, I'm alright. What about you and Dean?"
Sam - "Well, we're fine. Dad, where are you?"
John - "Sorry kiddo, I can't … I can't tell you that."
Sam - "What? Why not?"
Dean - *having finally woken up* "Is that Dad?"

Quick pause to say, Jensen is topless. Mmmmmmm …

John - "Look, I know this is hard for you to understand. You just - you're gonna have to trust me on this."
Sam - "You're after it, aren't you? The thing that killed Mom?"
John - "Yeah. It's a demon, Sam."
Sam - "A demon? You know for sure?"
Dean - "A demon? What's he saying?"
John - "I do. Listen, Sammy, I - uh - I also know what happened to your girlfriend. I'm so sorry. I would've done anything to protect you from that."

Dean put a shirt on :( Also, bullshit, John! You know how to look for demonic signs, you could have read them coming for California. You swung by there enough times, apparently. Why did you drop the frigging ball?

Sam - "You know where it is?"
John - "Yeah, I think I'm finally closing in on him."
Sam - "Let us help."
John - "You can't. You can't be any part of it."
Sam - Why not?"
Dean - "Give me the phone."
John - "Listen, Sammy, that's why I'm calling. You and your brother, you gotta stop looking for me. Right? Now, I need you to write down these names."
Sam - "Names? What names? Dad, wh- talk to me, tell me what's going on."
John - "Look, we don't have time for this. This is bigger than you think. They're everywhere. Even us talking right now, it's not safe."
Sam - "No, all right. No way."
Dean - "Give me the phone!"
John - "I've given you an order. Now you stop following me and you do your job, you understand me? Now take down these names."
Dean - *finally snatching the phone* "Dad. It's me. Where are you? … Yes sir … uh, yeah, I got a pen … what are the names?"

Everyone shuts Sam down when he wants to discuss feelings in this show, don't they? Poor boy. And that last bit with Dean was just a hint of how whipped he is around his father. Even more reason not to like John. I like how in this episode, the first two scenes are alternating between the episode topic and the overall arc. Not just the brothers relationship, or the way they relate to their father like so far, but the notion that demonic activity is more widespread than they knew and the very real threat of them which carries through. We're also about to meet a repeating cast member in this episode. And yes, she's a demon.

The boys are in the car, driving in the dark. Sam asks Dean about the names their father gave, whether they were all couples. Dean agrees, and says they all went missing. Sam checks again, that they're all from different towns and states. Dean says yes again, and lists them.

Irrelevant sidebar. Sam is driving. The hell? I know he does sometimes, but not often. It's Dean's car, which John gave him. It's plain weird to see Sam driving.

Dean then states the facts, they were all driving across country, and disappeared en route, never to be heard from again. Sam points out that America is big, they could have gone missing anywhere. Dean says it could have, but their routes all went through the same part of Indiana. Always the same time of year - second week of April - a year apart each. Sam clarifies that they're in the second week of April. Dean agrees, and Sam says "So Dad is sending us to Indiana to go hunting for something before another couple vanishes." to which Dean points and replies "Yahtzee."

I'm British, someone please explain what Yahtzee is? I mean, I know this is Dean saying 'well, yes Sam, exactly.' but isn't it some kind of game?

Irregardless, they don't have much to go on, and I think that's what Sam's making a point of. They've said in a few episodes, and I'm sure that includes episodes already covered in these recaps, that they've done hunts on barely any information. I'm pretty sure that's a nod to 'Dad didn't tell us squat'.

Dean starts talking about how John researched the case, how he managed to string it together through various obituaries. He calls John a master, and Sam pulls a face to show that he doesn't agree. He stops the car, and Dean asks what's up. Sam decides that they're not going to Indiana. They're going to California, because John called from a pay phone with a Sacramento area code. He starts repeating about the demon killing their mom and Jess, and how their dad must be closing in, and they should be there too. Dean points out that he doesn't want their help. Sam says he doesn't car, and Dean repeats that it's an order. Sam repeats that he doesn't care, pointing out they don't always have to do what John wants. Dean tells him "Sam, Dad is asking us to work jobs, to save lives. It's important."

Sam says he understands, but he's only asking for a week.

I just looked it up, it's clean across the country, and at best 32 hours driving time. Thank you. Discover America Road Trips Sam's so freaking selfish! And even though Dean is effectively whipped by their old man, at least he gives a shit about saving others. And no, I don't think John is as concerned with that as Dean is. I think John uses their regular jobs first as research, second as training, and third because it stokes the fires of his revenge. Which are pretty much all Sam's motivations, also.

Sam says he wants answers, and revenge - see? - and Dean tells him he knows how Sam feels. Sam says, 'do you?' and then points out Dean was four when their mother died. Sam lost Jess six months ago, so how in the hell was Dean going to know how Sam felt? Dean repeats another of their dad's lines, that it wasn't safe for any of them, and John obviously knew something he wasn't sharing, and they should listen to him. Sam tells him "I don't understand the blind faith you have in the man. I mean, it's like you don't even question him." Dean says it's because he's a good son. Sam climbs out of the car, and Dean follows him as he starts going through the trunk of the Impala for his bags.

Dean - "You're a selfish bastard, you know that? You just do whatever you want, don't care what anybody thinks."
Sam - "That's what you really think?"
Dean - "Yes it is."
Sam - "Well, then this selfish bastard is going to California." *starts to walk away*
Dean - "Come on, you're not serious."
Sam - "I am serious."
Dean - It's the middle of the night! Hey, I'm taking off, I will leave your ass, you hear me?"
Sam - "That's what I want you to do." *Dean stares at him for a moment, and Sam glares right back.*
Dean - "Goodbye Sam."

Okay, at first I squealed HARD on Dean verbalising exactly what I think about Sam, but I forgot a little, that they split. Sam's so fucking callous in this scene, and for Dean, it must have been a repetition of an old situation, but he found himself in John's position this time. And I'm not just referring to Sam going to college, as it transpires later, Sam has run away before. He really is a selfish bastard to ditch out on Dean, who's only ever tried to do the right thing. And for some reason, even though this scene is completely in character, I got the vibe that Dean was trying to play John to give himself some kind of authority, or a mask so Sam couldn't see how much it destroyed him to have Sam give so little respect to him.

Dean goes back to the driver's side, and looks at Sam once more, who is watching steadily. Dean climbs in, starts the car up, and drives away slowly.

And I know it's slowly because he usually shoots off, burning rubber and squealing tyres. This was understated, no revving, and a tidy pull away. He's giving Sam a final chance. If Sam had run after the car, Dean would have stopped.

Sam watches him go, then turns and starts walking up the road back the way they came.

The next day, the Impala pulls into a picturesque neighbourhood, rain pouring down as Dean drives through. He pulls up in the retail area, and scrolls through his phone until he hits Sam.

And just to highlight how lonely and isolated Dean is in life, these are his following contacts: Bren, Carmelita, Christian, Curtis, Dad, Donny, Robin, Sam. Eight names, at least two of which are women he's probably currently screwing behind the scenes. I can't answer for now about Christian, Curtis or Donny, but I'm going to guess other Hunters. We'll find out, I'm sure.

He shuts his phone, cuts the engine, and climbs out of the car, heading over to the diner called 'Scotty's cafe'. He approaches a local and asks if he's Scotty. Scotty says yes, and Dean introduces himself as John Bonham. Scotty asks if that's not the drummer from Led Zeppelin? Dean compliments him on his music knowledge and Scotty asks what he wants. Dean pulls a couple of print-outs from his pocket, and asks if Scotty's seen them.

It's the couple from the first scene.

Scotty says no, who are they? Dean says friends of his who went missing locally. He'd already asked in  Scottsburg and Salem. Scotty says they don't get many strangers. Dean, noticing his sour expression, says to him, "Scotty, you got a smile that lights up a room. Anyone ever tell you that?"

Dean's humour is so wasted on some people. I think he's hilarious, however. If only we were on the same plane of existence ...

Meanwhile, Sam is still walking, slowly now, along the road. Backwards. He stops and turns, and there's a blonde girl sitting by the roadside, listening to music, her back to her bag. He approaches her and puts his hand on her shoulder, and she jerks as she stands up. She tells him that he scared the hell out of her. Sam offers to help her, and she says she's good. He asks where she's going, and she says she's not telling him. He asks why, and she says he could be some kind of a freak, because he's hitchhiking. He points out she is too, as a car rattles up and beeps the horn. He offers a ride, but only to her. She climbs in and Sam asks if she trusts 'shady van guy' over him. She smiles and tells him, definitely.

Welcome to Meg. I don't like this Meg, I like the later Meg. Pizzaman Meg. Still, nice burn at Sam. You put that arrogant douchenozzle in his place. Even if I know you only went with shady van guy to kill the poor sap.

In the town, Dean's in the general store, showing the pictures of the most recent missing couple around, and asking questions. The daughter from the opening scene comes out from the back and asks if the guy had a tattoo? Dean says yes, and she looks at the pictures, then says they were just married. Her father, who had been feigning ignorance, acts as though it's just occurred to him and said they stopped for gas, and were in town for maybe ten minutes. Dean asks if they remember anything else, and the guy says he gave instructions to get back to the interstate. Dean asks for directions, and the guy agrees.

As he drives, the EMF starts to go off in the backseat. Dean pulls over and pulls it out of his bag, where the reader is going crazy. He looks around, and spots the orchard. He starts walking through, and spots the scarecrow. He walks right up to it, looking up and studying it. And his reaction? "Dude, you fugly."

Only Dean. *dreamy sigh*

He spots a hook in the scarecrow's hand, and grabs a nearby ladder for closer inspection. He looks into its face, then moves its sleeve aside and sees a tattoo on the arm skin. He holds the picture up of the missing man, and compares the tattooes. They match. Dean then tells the scarecrow "Nice tat."

My man is onto you! I'd also like to point out, he's fully capable of working a case without Sam. He wants Sam around because he loves his brother, not because he's inept. Just something to file away for a later date.

Dean drives back into town, and the girl is there as he parks up. He gets out and she mentions that he's come back. He tells her that he never left. She asks if he's still looking for his friends and he nods, then asks her to fill the car up, squinting at her necklace and calling her Emily. She does, and he asks her if she grew up there. She says she came when she was 13, her parents died in a car accident and now she lives with her aunt and uncle. He says they're nice people, and Emily tells him that everyone's nice in town. He asks if it's a perfect little town, and she calls it the Boonies, but says she loves it anyway. She then tells him the other local towns are struggling as people lose their farms and homes, but their town has been lucky.

2005/2006 - the brief period of time when people were starting to struggle, just before the recession hit. I know, it's when I was leaving uni and finding out my degree meant sweet fuck all. Nice touch, Supernatural.

Dean asks if Emily's ever been to the orchard and seen the scarecrow. She says yeah, and it creeps her out. He asks whose it is and she tells him it's always been there. He then nods to a pick up truck behind her and asks if it belongs to her aunt and uncle. She says no, it's a customer's who's had some car troubles. He asks if it's a guy-and-girl couples', and she nods.

See? Dean's already worked most of it out! Screw you, Sam!

Sam meanwhile, has finally found a bus station, where he's being told he can't get a bus until the next day at 5pm. Sam tells her there has to be another way, and she tells him there is. Buy a car. Sam turns around, and moves into the waiting room, pulling his phone out and scrolling through until he hits Dean's name. 

Sam has a lot more phone contacts, just fyi.

He presses on Dean's name, obviously debating whether to make a call, when someone says hey. He looks, and it's the girl from the van. He turns the phone off and asks what happened to her ride? She tells him that he was right, the guy was shady. She cut him loose. He looks at the buses through the door and sighs, and she asks what up? He tells her he's just trying to get to California, and she says she is too. She repeats that the next bus isn't until the next day, and he says he knows, that's the problem. She asks him what's so important in California? He tells her something he's been looking for and she tells him it can wait one more day. She finally introduces herself as Meg.

Knowing what happens later, I always forget Sam started out by flirting like crazy with Meg. Also, complete spoiler, Meg's got a connection to the demon who killed Mary - I know, makes it worse! - so yeah, Cali can wait if she's not there. Silly Sam.

In the diner in the town, Scotty is telling a couple that they're famous for their apples, so they MUST try the pie on the menu. When the girl starts to protest, he tells them it's on the house. Dean walks in and greets him like they're friends, then asks for a black coffee. He spots the pie the couple are eating and asks for that as well as he sits at the table beside the couple. He starts chatting to the couple who are stuffing their faces with food, asking what brings them that way. The girl says, with a mouth full of food, that they're on a road trip. Dean tells them he is too. Scotty pours the couple some orange juice and tells Dean he's sure they just want to eat in peace. Dean says, as innocently as possible, he's just trying to make some friendly conversation. Then he reminds Scotty about the coffee.

As soon as Scotty walks off again, Dean asks what brought them to town. She tells him that they stopped for gas, but then the gas station attendant saved their lives. A brake line was leaking and they had no idea, and it was getting fixed. Dean says that they're nice people, and asks when they'll be up and running? The guy say, sun down. Dean then leans forward and says "Really? To fix a brake line?" before saying he knows about cars, he could probably fix it in an hour, free of charge. They say thanks, but they'd rather trust a mechanic. Dean says sure, then tries a different tact. He tells them that the local roads aren't safe at night, and as crazy as it sounds, they might be in danger. They tell him that they're trying to eat.

MORONS! Okay, I concede, in this situation, he needs Sam, because he's not so great with words and he needs Sam's spin to convince them. Sam who would say 'you know, my brother might not be a registered mechanic, but we were brought up in a scrap yard. He knows cars. He's kept our car going this long, learning everything from our old man. And you know, I heard some local legend about these roads. I mean, it sounds stupid, but driving around at night? Even I'm not that crazy.' but Sam's petulant, so Dean of course is going to screw this bit up. Also, why are this couple so trusting of all the happy people when they can see Scotty treating Dean like shit? Did they just figure Dean might be the town weirdo and that's why Scotty treated him with such hostility and contempt?

Dean acknowledges this, by saying:

Dean - "You know, my brother could give you this puppy-dog look and you'd just buy right into it."

At this point, the door opens again, and Scotty materialises, thanking the sheriff for coming. They talk together for a moment before the sheriff approaches Dean and asks for a word. Dean tells him he's already having a bad day. The sheriff tells him that he doesn't want to make it worse.

The next shot is of the Impala driving three miles out of the town, the sheriff's car behind him, lights and sirens running.

Which looks odd. I mean, seriously, what did Dean even do? He went into the cafe, tried to be friendly, got snubbed and went hungry. This town so deserves the shit they get in this episode.

Three miles out of the town, the police car turns around and drives back.

In the bus station, Sam and Meg are sharing some food and drinking beer, and Sam is asking if Meg's on vacation. She says yeah, right, and references the high life that she's after. They laugh and she turns serious, saying she had to get away from her family. He asks why, and she says she loves her parents but she didn't like them acting on what was best for her without consulting her. As she carries on talking about how she was meant to do as she was told, you can see Sam comparing himself to her situation. He tells her it's the same deal with him and Dean. She makes him toast to living their own lives, and he clicks his beer bottle against hers, smirking.

Demons can read minds and play on emotions, Sam you dumbass.

That night, Dean drives back into town. In the orchard, the couple are walking through, the girl saying she can't believe their car broke down when they just got it fixed. As they're walking through, something goes running past their backs. They turn, and she squeals as they cling together, listening to the heavy breathing nearby. They look around, calling out, trying to find out who's there. The scarecrow appears, flicking his hook out. They start running, and Dean appears with a shot gun. He tells them to get back to their car. The scarecrow comes closer, and they start running. Dean preps the shotgun and shoots the scarecrow, which hardly pauses. He starts running too, still firing off shots as he goes. They reach the end of the orchard, and pause outside of the Impala. Dean turns back, reloading the shotgun, waiting for the scarecrow. The guy asks what the hell it was, and Dean tells him not to ask.

Because Dean probably hasn't worked it out yet. But also, because he tries to protect people and even though they've just had a bad experience, he's not going to enlighten them and ruin the rest of their lives any more than he can help.

In the bus station, Meg is asleep and Sam is on the phone.

Sam - "The scarecrow climbed off its cross?"
Dean - "Yeah, I'm telling ya, Burkitsville Indiana. Fun town."
Sam - "It didn't kill the couple, did it?"
Dean - "No. No. I can cope without you, you know."
Sam - "So something must be animating it. a spirit."
Dean - "No, it's more than a spirit. It's a god. A pagan god, anyway."
Sam - "What makes you say that?"
Dean - "The annual cycle of its killings. And the fact that the victims are always a man and a woman like some kind of fertility rite. And you should see the locals, the way they treated this couple. Fattening them up like a Christmas turkey."
Sam - "The last meal. Given to sacrificial victims."
Dean - "Yeah, I'm thinking a ritual sacrifice to appease some pagan god."
Sam - "So a god possesses the scarecrow-"
Dean - "And the scarecrow takes its sacrifice. And for another year the crops won't wilt and disease won't spread."

So, I stand corrected, Dean does have a clue on what they're dealing with. Sam's still playing guess what Dean's referring to as Dean tells him. He's been trained well. But he still needed Sam as a sounding board, and I think he called to try to get Sam to come back.

Sam asks if he knows which god he's dealing with yet, and Dean says no. Sam tells him once he figures it out, he can work out how to kill it. Dean tells him that he's on his way to a local community college to talk to a professor because "I don't have my trusty sidekick geek boy to do all the research."

Translation: Sam, I love you and I miss you and I want you to come home, but I have to bury this emotion in my typical macho bullshit.

Sam laughs and tells him that, if Dean's hinting on needing help, he just has to ask. Dean says he's not hinting anything.

And the next bit is so cute and such a summation of what I mean by Dean's general inarticulateness when expressing his emotions that I'll transcribe again.

Dean - "Actually, uhm, huh … I want you to know … I mean, don't think …"
Sam - "Yeah. I'm sorry too."
Dean - "Sam, you were right. You gotta do your own thing. You gotta live your own life."
Sam - "You serious?"
Dean - "You've always known what you want, and you go after it. You stand up to Dad and you always have. Hell, I wish I- anyway, I admire that about you. I'm proud of you, Sammy."
Sam - "I don't even know what to say."
Dean - "Say you'll take care of yourself."
Sam - "I will."
Dean - "Call me when you find Dad."

WHY CAN YOU BOTH DO THIS ON THE PHONE AND NOT IN PERSON? OMFG, the fangirl rage this episode brings out in me. It's cute but frustrating. And once again, Dean is giving Sam everything he wants at this moment. Dean, when they hang up, looks like he's close to tears, whereas Sam just looks thoughtful. I know why, he's evaluating his life and his brothers, but still, could you not hear Dean on the phone? The tenor of his voice I mean, since you clearly understood the subtext.

Meg sits up and walks over with her bag, asking who was on the phone. Sam tells her it was Dean, and she asks what he said. Sam tells her, goodbye, and smiles.

*pulls hair out* … just, God, Sam!

At the community college, the professor tells Dean he doesn't often get research questions on pagan idolatry. He tells Dean Indiana isn't famed for it's paganism, and Dean asks maybe the pagan god got imported, like with the Pilgrims? He asks as well, where the residents of Burkitsville came from, ancestry-wise. The professor tells him, Scandinavia. Dean asks about their pagan gods, and the professor tells him that there's hundreds of Norse gods and goddesses. Dean tells him that he's looking for one, who might live in an orchard.

The professor opens an old, large book, and turns the pages until Dean stops him, pointing to a drawing of a scarecrow in a plowed field. Dean starts reading, and we hear about the Vanir, a type of god for protection and prosperity. Once he's finished reading a small paragraph summing up the god, he comments on how much it looks like a scarecrow. He then reads on about how the god is connected to a sacred tree, and the professor tells him the norse believed in all kinds of magic. Dean asks what would happen if the tree burned down, would it kill the god? The professor laughs and reminds him that they're just discussing legends. Dean says yes, sure, and thanks him for his time, before heading to the door. He opens it, and smiles backwards at the professor, turning around just as the sheriff hits him with the butt of his shotgun.

He should've seen it coming, a local professor in cahoots. Oh, Dean! You're all messed up without Sam, and now you're going to be a sacrifice.

In the town, Scotty is talking to Emily's aunt and uncle, asking him to understand, they have the responsibility of protecting the town. The uncle, Hurley, tells Scotty and the sheriff that he understands better than anyone, he gives the bad directions down to the orchard. But whatever they're asking for is different, because it's murder. His wife says the god is angry with them, and their trees are beginning to die. That night is the last chance they have. He agrees that 'the boy' should die if he needs to, but he doesn't understand why 'she' has to as well.

Dean, who has been trapped in a cellar, looks up as the storm doors open, and Emily is pushed in there with him by her aunt and uncle. She's pleading with them not to do this to her. Once she's in the cellar, she asks why they're doing it, and her aunt tells her it's for the common good.

They definitely deserve what they get, for sacrificing one of their family, just so they can grow a few apples. Who even does that?

The next scene, Meg hefts her bag on to her bag, and then turns to Sam, telling him their bus just came in. Sam's at a table, listening to his phone. He hangs up, and tells her she should catch it, but he has to go. She asks him where, and he tells her, Burkitsville. He tells her he's been trying to call Dean for three hours, and he keeps getting voicemail. She says his phone might be turned off and Sam says it's not like him.

Also, Meg, if it was off it would go straight to voicemail, but if it's not, it will ring first before cutting to voicemail. Know your phone shit.

Sam says he might be in trouble, and she asks what kind. He tells her he can't say right then, but he doesn't want her to miss her bus. She tells him she doesn't understand why he's running back to his brother. He says it's because Dean is his family.

Awwwwh, Sam, see? You can be impossibly adorable when you want to be! And you're proving me right, thanks for that.

Screw Meg, man, screw her so hard right now.

In the cellar, Emily's telling Dean she doesn't understand that her family is going to kill them. Dean, meanwhile, is trying to shoulder open the storm doors. He clarifies that they'll be sacrificed. He walks back into the main part of the cellar and asks if she really didn't know anything about it. She says she can't believe it, and he says she needs to, because he's going to need her help. She agrees, and he tells her they can kill the scarecrow, but they need to find the tree. He tells her what kind of tree they need to look for, and she tells him about the apple tree that was brought over with their ancestors. They call it the First Tree. It's in the orchard, but she's not sure where.

The storm doors are opened at this point, and they see Scotty, Emily's aunt and uncle, and the sheriff, who tell them it's time. We then see them getting tied to a different tree each, Dean unable to shut his mouth by asking the sheriff how many people they've killed. The sheriff points out they don't technically kill anyone, and Dean comes back with the cover up, and how they must all destroy the clothes and cars and other evidence. The sheriff stands and points his rifle at Dean.

At the other tree, Emily's uncle is telling her that he wishes it wasn't her who had to be sacrificed. her aunt tells her they have no other choice, and they have a responsibility to the god. Emily tells them she's family, and her aunt tells her, that's what sacrifice means.

Ugh, I hate that line. I know it's meant to parallel Sam sacrificing his freedom for Dean (and not Dean sacrificing his whole life for a petulant younger brother) but on it's own, how fucking callous is that?

The aunt carries on talking, and tells Emily "The good of the many outweighs the good of the one." Dean, who's been listening to this, waits until they're all walking away to call out "I hope your apple pie is freaking worth it!"

And I know he's secretly correcting that Spock quote, just like I am. Also, this doesn't feel like Dean. Dean loves pie. I'm sure he can understand how they feel it is worth it. Dean and Pie is a legitimate fan ship.

Emily asks him what the plan is, and Dean tells her he's working on it. Hours later, when night has fallen, she points out that he clearly doesn't have a plan. He repeats that he's working on it. He asks her if she can see whether he's moving yet, but she can't see. They hear footsteps, and she begins freaking out. Dean starts trying to wriggle out of his bindings, and then we hear Sam call his name.

Sam's back! We have the dream team again! They're going to be saved! As if you couldn't tell from my frequent referrals to future episodes (honestly, don't go by that. They die. They die a lot. Especially on a Tuesday) still, let's all be happy that Sam's back!

Dean - "Ah, I take everything back I said. I'm so happy to see you. Come on. How'd you get here?"
Sam - "I, uh, stole a car."
Dean - *laughing* "That's my boy! Keep an eye on that scarecrow, he could come alive any minute."
Sam - "What scarecrow?"

Yep, the scarecrow's alive. Okay, this is shitty, my mac just went 'skipping over damaged area and tried to push the show forward like, three minutes, and my netflix is onto me and the fact I'm not in America and not letting me watch on there, so we may miss some vital shit. I've tried to skip back, we'll see.

Dean, now free of his bindings, stands up and looks at the post, which is empty. They go running with Emily, trying to get out of the orchard. As they do, Sam asks about the sacred tree. Dean says it's the source of power and Sam says they should burn it. Dean says in the morning, but for now, they need to get out before 'Leatherface' shows up. They stop suddenly, having seen Emily's aunt and uncle, who are holding flashlights and rifles. Dean immediately starts trying to pull Sam and Emily in the other direction, where they find Scotty with his own flashlight and rifle. Looking behind them, in the distance, they can see the sheriff with his rifle and flashlight, too. They're surrounded.

They all begin closing in, as they heard the scarecrow approaching. Emily begs to be let go, and her uncle promises her it will be over with quickly. He tells her she has to let him take her - and then the hook appears in his chest, struck from behind. The aunt begins screaming, and Emily does too, burying her head into Dean, who immediately hugs her.

I would do the same thing! And here's how it works, douchebag townspeople! You have to sacrifice one male and one female. So far, they've all been couples. Scarecrow picks. And there's only one official couple in this orchard right now. Someone should have double-checked their own damn lore.

The uncle falls to the floor as the hook is removed, and the sheriff and Scotty run as the aunt is grabbed, still screaming, and the scarecrow stabs her before dragging her, and her husband, away. Dean urges Emily to move, to leave, and they run to the edge of the orchard, looking back as they can hear the scarecrow still. They can't see anything but trees, however.

The next morning, Emily and the boys go walking back through the orchard, Emily scanning for the First Tree. Sam's carrying a canister of fuel. They stop by one tree, that has unusual carving on the trunk. Sam douses the tree, and Dean picks up a long branch, flicking his lighter until it sparks, and lighting the end of the branch. Emily takes the branch off him, and he reminds her that the whole town is going to die. She says good, and steps forward as Sam moves away to stand next to Dean, and she throws the branch onto the tree. It catches immediately, and they stand and watch it burn.

Back at the bus station, Emily is climbing on a bus bound for Boston, and waving to Sam and Dean who are standing and watching her board. The bus pulls away and they talk about whether the townsfolk are going to get away with what they've done. Dean tells Sam that whatever happens to their town now will have to be their punishment. He asks if Sam wants to be dropped off somewhere and Sam says no, he's stuck with him.

Dean - "What made you change your mind?"
Sam - "I didn't. I still want to find Dad. And you're still a pain in the ass. But Jess and Mom, they're both gone. Dad is God knows where. You and me, we're all that's left. So, uh, if we're going to see this through, we're going to do it together."
Dean - "Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful. Come on."

He can't ever take it seriously, can he? I'm with Sam on this bit, however. They're all they've got left.

Sam shoves Dean playfully as they walk away, Dean smirking, and Sam telling him "You should be kissing my ass. You were dead meat, dude." Dean tells him that he had a plan and he would have gotten out.

Because he can't admit he needs his brother to his face. Of course not.

Some time later, at night, a van is driving along the road. Inside is the driver, and Meg. He asks her where she's going, and she asks him to pull over. He says okay,  and does. She pulls out an engraved goblet, and when he asks about it, she says she has to make a call. He offers her his phone, and she tells him, it's not that kind of call. And then she pulls a blade out of the bottom of the goblet and slits his neck, gathering his blood in the cup. She starts an incantation and when the blood starts turning, she starts talking, asking why she was supposed to just let Sam and Dean go. She pauses, repeating yes occasionally, before calling the demon she's communicating with 'Father'.

OMFG, who's Meg's Dad, right? Also, watching this end scene, I was like 'was that Mark Pellegrino?' because if it was, Dude! Mark Pellegrino has a fantastic role from the start of season five. Cannot wait for him, either!

Okay, again, sorry for the lack of pictures. It's late, I've spent forever on this, and I've got like, a billion story ideas buzzing around that I want to focus on. I'm waiting for the wonderful Cynthia Selwyn to send me a chapter back of one of my stories as well, since it was frustrating me and she's freaking amazing with crazy concepts! Also, I know there are typos, and I called Sam Same once at least, but I'm tired, okay?

Thursday 20 March 2014

Top Five Most Influential TV shows

Sarah-Jane strikes again! Can I also recommend films and artists for the next ones?

This time, it's:

"I wouldn't be a writer without....."
Top Five TV Series Tag

The Rules:




Post your top five influential TV Series that helped shape the kind of writer you are, or hope to be. They can be anything from sitcoms to drama, it really doesn't matter as long as they influenced you in some way!

Hey, guess what my number one is?

1. Supernatural.


Of course Supernatural! I feel like I'm going to heavily summarise all my individual episode recaps now, but first, how I even got into Supernatural, and how I almost didn't at all.

The first thing I remember, is channel surfing on a beautiful rare evening when my parents were out. I can't remember - it's in my hazy days - if this is pre- or post- Noah, pre- or post- TTP. I read the synopsis for this show on ITV2, and thought it sounded like my sort of thing. Turned it on, there's three guys camping in the woods. They get picked off, one by one. And I freaked out, and switched over, thinking I might go back to it. I never did.

Then, I saw SkyLiving (grrrrr) advertising the show. Lots of Castiel. Forgot about the time above, made a mental note to watch. My mental note got buried in a tonne of paperwork.

And then I found Mervin and co's blogs through Jenny Trouts, and they tore apart the Twilight books. And in their posts, they made heavy references to Supernatural. I learned a lot about the narrative from that blog. My friend Cat was into it. I went and bought seasons 1,2,4,5 and 6 from waterstones, and ordered 3 and 7 from amazon. I found out living were halfway through season 8. This was in September sometime, maybe late August? It took me a month to get through all the discs, having 'oh, YEAH!' moments and devouring the storyline and over thinking everything about it. I bought season 8 the second it came out on DVD, just before it stopped showing on living. Cat and I signed up for Asylum12, which takes place in May. I might have acquired a few books/tees/paraphernalia since as well.

Why do I like Supernatural so much? So many reasons. I like that they take a horror movie trope and twist it. Or they explore legends and rationalise it. I've never liked horror movies, but I liked Supernatural. Maybe because even if the evil isn't validated, the eradication of it is? But more than that, I liked that, right from the start, even though it was set in a style that ensured a different topic every week, there was an undercurrent of a bigger storyline, which has slowly dominated the narrative. I can't understand how people didn't see the organic growth, but then, I've only watched about three episodes on a per-week basis. I've not had the break. Maybe that's skewed my perceptions.

I also love the relationships within the storyline, how the brothers relate and the complexity of their relationship. The complexities of their relationships with others. I love that they're so unafraid of the destinies they're creating for themselves that they will call angels dicks when they first meet. I love how they manage not to glamourise it. I love seeing their friendships develop or wilt, because isn't that what happens in real life?

I love how they take on theology, and lore, and how they respect the cultures they portray while at the same time having a play with those cultures, skewing popular views for potential narratives. EVERYTHING is up for grabs in Supernatural. Even the fans. Even Supernatural.

I like how human Sam, Dean and Cas are, but how superhuman they are too. They have very real fears and concerns, and a sense of humour, but they know when to focus on the tasks at hand. They make mistakes and screw each other over, but always do what they can for each other, in the end. Even if it drives me crazy in the mean time. I like how they make references to the wider world, turning fears of say, chicken flu into a contaminated food chain designed to make humans little better than cattle. They made global warming a sign of the oncoming apocalypse. Everything about the show excites the writer in me, because they push boundaries and make subtle references and through it all, you know who they are and what they want in life and if anything skews that, you can see it without it being dictated to you. I like the creative ways they give exposition, so the audience can know the situation without being spoken to like they're toddlers. What's not to love? Jared, Jensen and Misha are pretty nice to look at, too. Even if they're soulless, oozing black gunk, or slicing into someone else.

I need me another Supernatural fix, just talking about this. I am going to be a nightmare come May.

2. Boy Meets World.


I know, what a contrast! A friend recently shared a picture that said That's So Raven was the best show Disney ever did, for its sense of realism … but they forgot Boy Meets World. God, I loved Boy Meets World. I loved that it was about just growing up, and the pitfalls that come with it. How something that fits so right when you're twelve is so wrong for you when you're fifteen. How you can come back from anything, how friendship and family are strong enough to see you through even the toughest of situations. Like Supernatural, the overall message seems to be that friends can be family too. That's so going to be a theme through my picks! And possibly a theme through my writing.

Boy Meets World was admirable because no one aspired to be famous. Angela aspired to be a journalist writing about political and environmental issues, but that was the closest they got. I related to Topanga so well when she was terrified of going to Yale because of what Corey meant to her. They too, had fun with the narratives, making Shaun dress as a girl to see what women go through, having the Halloween special where they're being chased by the scream, that sort of thing. and Eric, who started off average intelligence, and ended up little more than a catchphrase, though he still had such a big heart, and such great lessons to teach others. They all joined the peace corps in the end, doing something worthwhile to benefit others. Like Supernatural (I'm so bad!)

3. Malcolm In The Middle


If you couldn't tell already, I like ensemble casts. I'm writing an ensemble book, I guess, in a way?

I was a gifted kid, and I went to a gifted school, so I could somewhat relate to Malcolm, even if they had an edge of ridiculous with everything that went on. I'm from a big family too, so again, Malcolm was relatable - no one else went to a gifted school - and I enjoyed watching a show where I could put myself in the same place as the lead character. He spoke to camera all the time, which is something I do in my head.

Yeah, I was pretty much Malcolm for a part of my life. My namesake is even a celebrity, Siobhan Fahey from Bananarama. (Malcolm was named after an Indy 500 driver).

When I write Carter's family, they're pretty much a toned down version of Malcolm's, just without the psychotic wife and crazy antics. The in-fighting and lack of money though? Something I write in my story (oh, is that another "like Supernatural" moment too?) as well.

4. Sherlock


I've always loved Sherlock, since some distant relative bought me a book of short stories. I love the BBC adaptation, and the intelligence behind the scripting, the storyline, how they utilise modern methods within an old story … Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman are sublime. I love the humour, the graphics, the relationship between the two of them, and just how typically British they both are, while being completely different. Amazing show!

5. The Inbetweeners.


I love this show for the humour, for how they embody what teenage boys are really like. I think everyone can relate to them a little, for whatever reasons, because everyone's been there where they've felt like an outsider and gravitated to the few people who would tolerate them. That was definitely high school for me. I wish I could write humour in the same way as their scriptwriters did. I'd like to believe I've made my characters as realistic. Certainly, they're just as whingy.

There you go, Sarah-Jane! I managed to summarise some of them! The British ones. Take from that what you will :/ I can't think of anyone to tag for this one, just anyone willing to do it!

Wednesday 19 March 2014

Top five most influential books

So, Sarah-Jane has tagged me in a post, which I have to continue, and then I think tag on.

"I wouldn't be a writer without....."
Top Five Books Tag

The Rules:
Post your top five influential books (or book series) that helped shape the kind of writer you are, or hope to be. When I say influential, I just mean books that helped you in whatever shape or form. They don't have to be wonderful, famous best sellers - it's just what's been important to you. 

This was difficult for me, because so many books are influential, and six in particular sparked something in me. But the following five occurred to me first, and so won. Sorry Jay Asher's Thirteen Reasons Why, who is unlucky number six. It's an incredible book that really makes you consider suicide, and blame, and how innocent we really are when it comes to others suffering. It's one of the reasons I love YA literature so much.

Most of these pictures are of me, posing with the books. Except for two, one I couldn't find at all, and one I could only find the DVD for. God knows where I put them. They're both on my kindle, at least. On with the list!

1. The Chronicles of Narnia, by C.S.Lewis.


The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is my favourite of the series. I actually read them to my son recently and was astounded at the latent racism in the books, and the turns of phrase that you couldn't get away with these days. But when I was three-turning-four, my mum was remarrying and her husband-to-be used to read me these books. I loved them so much, I loved that they took you to another world where princes and dragons and talking beasts lived. I was the youngest of four at the time, and we went boy-girl-boy-girl. I was tiny, and totally believed I was Lucy Pevensie. It was all there! I definitely spent a large portion of my childhood climbing into furniture and believing I'd found Narnia. Narnia gave me an imagination, and a strong faith in that which I cannot see. It made me respect animals and challenges and did a lot to build who I am, not just my creativity but my whole self. Even now, I find something comforting in nature, believing I'm trekking through Archenland, or the Wild North.

2. Dreamland, by Sarah Dessen.



I'm about to say something I don't normally say about young adult fiction (despite being a fan). I cried at this book. I still cry at this book. The last fifty pages made me an absolute wreck. I love Sarah Dessen anyway, and I found her as I was researching where my books would fit into the market. They fit in with Sarah. My inspiration came after my inspiration, if that makes sense? Sarah writes beautiful, character-based stories. A lot of them follow the same base narrative, but there are a few that buck the trend. Like Dreamland. It focuses on Caitlin, who has always been second-best to her over-achieving sister, until her sister runs away days before she's meant to be going to Yale. Her mother alternates between obsessing where her sister, Cassandra, could have gone, and making a half-assed attempt to focus on Caitlin in the same way. Caitlin doesn't like the sudden pressure, and finds herself gravitating to the local drug dealer, Rogerson. Rogerson has dreadlocks and a permanent scowl, and is every parents worst nightmare. Caitlin discovers his dad is abusive to him, and she soon finds herself at the receiving end of Rogerson's frustrations. The story catalogues her downfall, until he's beating her outside of her parents house and her neighbours save her from him. But even then, she doesn't want to let him go. She gets sent to rehab, and the story then becomes how she pieces herself together again.

My heart breaks for Caitlin every time I read it. Sarah is a freaking magician with words, and totally underrated after a book like this. And I'm actually welling up just giving you the breakdown, sad cow that I am.

3. We Need To Talk About Kevin, Lionel Shriver.


Yes, that's the DVD. Cannot Scooby where the book is, past my kindle edition. I voted this book a couple of years ago as the best Orange prize winner in the last ten years. It won. It's intense. A lot of people dismiss the first hundred-or-so pages as irrelevant, but they're intricate world-building and a great way of understanding Eva Khatchadourian's attitude to motherhood. Seeing Kevin grow, and knowing that a lot of his earlier years are tainted by an obvious, yet ignored case of postpartum depression and that he eventually grows to learn that the only way he's going to get through to his mother is through extreme behaviour. It's an excellent narrative on nature vs nuture, on working together as a unit to raise your children, and how observant they really are. How perverse human nature can be, and how a chain of events can lead to such devastation. I devoured this book before motherhood, and when I read it again as a mother, I felt a little uncomfortable about the parallels I could draw between myself and Eva. What's really to stop any of us raising a child to do something so horrific, just by our own selfish mistakes? I love how she makes you think of how you affect others, and it's definitely a theme I'm trying to work on in my own book, where my characters might express opinions as facts that are contradicted by the action, or where the two main characters have opposing views on situations, both of whom can be wrong and right at the same time.

4. Harry Potter Series, J.K.Rowling.


Need I say more? I actually resisted this series. It was recommended to me when I was thirteen, by someone who mocked me regularly for still reading the Babysitters Club series. I would have taken her seriously if not for that, but I dismissed her on her hypocrisy. Then, my parents bought the first four books for my younger sister, who isn't much of a reader. They sat, at the top of the stairs outside of her room, for days. Then my curiosity got the better of me. I finished those four books in three days. I was hooked. Hogwarts was like Narnia all over again for me. I loved her use of language, her research into lore, and how you can love the characters despite the characters being secondary to the narrative and the world she'd built. J.K.Rowling actually made me more adventurous in my reading, more open to recommendations. I was already a reader, but now I was avid, obsessive … thank you for developing my crazy, J.K.Rowling.

5. The End Of Mr Y, Scarlett Thomas.


This one is hard to break down. I call it 'The Matrix meets Being John Malkovitch'. A mix of holy water and holistic medicine allows you to enter the minds of others. That's the best you're going to get out of me. It's just … wow … go read! You'll understand how I am still lacking in words after all these years. I embrace the sublime and the silliness of it, and hope I can go some way to creating that kind of impact for any readers I may get. Wow.

I hope that was enough for you, Sarah-Jane! And there's some surprises in there too, maybe?

If I have to tag someone, I pick you, Lydia! my distopian-crazy friend! When - not if, when - she does it, I will add the link to this blog.

You will find a link to this entry on Sarah-Jane's blog, which I've linked above!

Tuesday 18 March 2014

Siobhan Watches: Supernatural: Season One, Episode Ten. "Asylum"

We start in Roosevelt Asylum, Rockford Illinois. There are signs outside the wire fence declaring the property condemned and prohibiting trespassing. We hear the sounds of feet shuffling, and see a torch beam scan across the graffitied, dilapidated reception. Someone tried to open the main double doors, which are chained closed. The chain is broken off, and someone walks in.

We then cut to a man stepping out of a police car. An officer, called to the building. His partner meets up with him at the fence, who tells him they can't keep kids out, and we hear that the first officer isn't local, so doesn't know the legend. We then hear that Roosevelt Asylum is haunted with the ghosts of its patients, and if you were to spend the night, you would become insane.

The officers enter the asylum, calling to the possible trespassers. They see the broken chain, and realise the teenagers must have brought bolt cutters. They decide to split up. We then see the first officer walking passed the boiler room. He hears a noise, and follows it into another room. His colleague is walking through the dormitories, as he walks into yet another room, with a hazard caution sign painted on.

The colleague finds three teenagers squatting behind a wall, and tells them they need to leave, now. Meanwhile, the first officer, as he steps further into the hazard room, notices his flashlight flickering. The flashlight dies, and the door behind him slams shut as a hidden door in the wall creaks open.

Outside, a yellow sports car is reversing out of a parking space, the officer watching the teenagers drive away. He radios out with "Kelly. You copy?" and turns around, jumping as he sees the first officer standing there, staring. His colleague starts asking him questions about his experience in the asylum, and Kelly reassures him that there was nothing there. They climb back in the car, and as the other officer radios in to the station, Kelly turns his head, and we see a small trickle of blood roll down from his nose. He wipes it away slowly.

Later, in his house, he enters his bedroom, where his partner is sat in bed, reading. She says hey, and he doesn't react, removing all his police equipment. She asks if he's still not talking to her, then repeats that she's sorry about another occasion. He picks up his gun, and turns around, and we see the gunshot flash in the window outside.

That was a long intro! It took 4 minutes, 45 seconds. The entire episode sits at 41.30. I think we've got the premise for the episode pretty well established. Local legend about a building, teenagers use it to prove how courageous they are, and obviously there is something of substance in the stories because Kelly's altered behaviour, bleeding nose, and lack of hesitation in killing his wife/girlfriend became obvious after his experience in the boiler rooms.

Shall we go and find Sam and Dean?

In their latest motel room, Dean is flipping through the journal as Sam is on the phone. He's talking to John's munitions guy, and from what we hear, the conversation isn't going well. As he hangs up, Dean asks if that means the latest guy hasn't heard from their dad. Sam says no, and neither have two other people they've tried. Caleb, Jefferson, and Pastor Jim. Sam asks if there are any possible leads in the journal, and Dean said there's nothing he can make out as a clue that he may have missed before. Dean says "I love the guy but I swear he writes like freaking Yoda." Sam suggests they call the feds and report him as a missing person and Dean says no, he'd be pissed if they put the fed onto him. Sam says he doesn't care, after Kansas when they tried to call and got nothing, and Dean interrupts to say 'I know.'

Dean's phone is ringing, and he starts searching through his leather jacket on the sofa as Sam tells him that John could be dead. Dean looks up to tell him sternly not to say that, of course John isn't dead. He's just- and Sam interrupts to ask what? He's busy? Dean finds his phone and flips it open, where there's a text message. The sending number is unavailable, but the message reads 42, -89 which makes Dean smile. Sam asks what is it, and Dean says, coordinates.

Because nothing says 'I miss you boys, and I wish I could see you and know you're safe' like coordinates.

That is, if John sincerely gives a shit about his boys. I honestly have my doubts.

Dean goes onto his laptop, and Sam asks if Dean believes John was texting them. Dean points out that he's given them coordinates before, and Sam tells Dean that John can barely work a toaster. Dean points out that it least it means John is alive. Or at least, okay. Sam continues questioning about where the text came from, and where the coordinates point to. Dean says Rockford, Illinois, and it's interesting. Sam asks how? Dean shows him an article from the local online paper, reporting on officer Kelly shooting his wife and then himself. Dean reads out the basics for Sam, and then shows a clipping in the journal of the asylum. He tells Sam earnestly that he thinks that's where John wants them to go.

They start speculating about what it means. They both agree John wants them to take a job, but Dean is hopeful that John will meet up with them there. Sam says maybe not. Dean says he doesn't care, that's where John wants him and that's all that matters for him. Sam asks him if he thinks it's weird, that John is just texting, and not communicating, and Dean says "Sam, Dad's telling us to go somewhere. We're going." And leaves the room, where Sam seems to fight the urge to call out after him.

In this instance, I am very much with Sam. He knows that John is selfish, and he isn't going to be there. But he doesn't know how to get that through to Dean without completely devastating his brother. Genuine empathy from Sam! I guess for them, when it comes to John, all bets are off. I'll go into it more when John's in it properly, but they act very differently when their father is around, and I think they've always had that. Because they've always had each other, and John could be pretty flaky, but when he was there, Dean stopped being in charge and answered to John. I'm surprised it was Sam who rebelled, not Dean.

In a bar, the other cop - Daniel Gunderson, we learn - is having a beer, as someone approaches him and asks who he is. We see the questioner, and it's Dean. He slides into the seat opposite Daniel and says he works for a Chicago newspaper.

Haha, he calls himself Nigel. Hottest Nigel ever.

Dean asks if he can ask some questions about his partner, and Daniel says no, he's having a beer. Dean pushes and Daniel says only a week before, his partner had been sitting there, was Dean really going to ambush him? Dean says sorry, he really needs to know. At that point, Sam comes storming in, shoving Dean and ordering him to leave Daniel alone.

Ha! It's all an act, but I bet Sam loved the fact he got to hit out at Dean to convince a witness to talk to them. Bet Dean gets him back later.

They stare at each other for a minute, as the locals all nod in agreement with Sam. Dean walks out, and Sam turns to Daniel. Daniel says he didn't have to do that, and Sam says yeah, he did. That guy's a jerk. He offers to buy Daniel a beer.

Outside, obviously later, Dean is leaning against the Impala as Sam leaves the bar. Dean chews Sam out as a greeting.

Dean - "You shoved me pretty hard in there, buddy boy."
Sam - "I had to sell it, didn't I? It's method acting."

Ha, this is lols because they're actors.

Dean asks what Sam found out. Sam said Kelly was a good cop, really smart, even-keeled. Dean asks about his home life, and Sam says, yeah, he argued sometimes with his wife, but mostly it was a good relationship. They were even discussing having kids. Dean says either it's really deep-seated, or Kelly was influenced. Then he asks what Daniel said about the asylum. Sam smirks and says 'a lot.'

And they're going to hold that out on us! Can't reveal the mystery all at once.

The next day, we see Sam jumping the fence by the asylum, the Impala parked nearby. Dean follows him, scaling the fence as well, flipping on the dismount.

Show off.

They enter the asylum, looking around the old reception room, Sam talking through what happened in the first scene. When Sam mentions they went down the south wing, Dean repeats it, then checks in the journal. He reads out the article that John saved, about a fire in the south win in the seventies that involved three teenagers. Only one survived, and according to his witness testimony, one of his friends went crazy and lit up the place. Sam concludes that the south wing is the heart of the legend, and Dean asks why there aren't more deaths if the south wing makes people crazy? Sam points out the chain still hanging from one of the doors, and they'd probably been chained for years. Dean speculated "Yeah, to keep people out. Or to keep something in."

There's something off for me about the dialogue in this part. It's like they're going through the motions for the audience, when normally they introduce the backstory in other ways. It feels like Sam and Dean have been dumbed down. Maybe it's just me and I'm in a funny mood? It does get better in a bit, at least.

Sam pushes the door open slowly, and they look at each other before entering, walking down the decaying corridor.

Dean - "Let me know if you see any dead people, Haley Joel."
Sam - "Dude, enough."
Dean - "I'm serious, you gotta be careful, alright? Ghosts are attracted to that whole ESP thing you got going on."
Sam - "I told you, it's not ESP. I just have strange vibes sometimes. Weird dreams."
Dean - "Yeah, whatever. Don't ask, don't tell."

Including this bit of dialogue because, well, you can see how Dean feels about Sam's abilities, and the way Sam feels about them too. This is one of the few moments where I can see the justification in Sam referring to himself as a freak. If Dean's comparing him to a character who was labelled as a freak because of his connection with the Supernatural, then maybe he too, is a freak. And Dean's last line there indicates that he's getting uncomfortable with the conversation, because Sam's going down a tangent he's not used to. He's telling Sam not to over share, because he never asked. Kinda mean, Dean (and just you wait for Sam's biggest over share) you'll regret that in season nine, when he won't tell you a goddamn thing!

Sam asks if Dean has any readings on his EMF, and Dean says no, but that doesn't mean the place is empty. Sam agrees, saying that there are periods of the day ghosts can't appear, and Dean concludes the thought by saying the freaks appear at night.

So, we got that? Ghosts keep to a schedule. Especially the psychotic ones.

Dean - "Hey Sam, who do you think's a hotter psychic? Patricia Arquette, Jennifer Love Hewitt, or you?"

Sam hits him.

I don't blame you, Sam. Although, that line reeeeeally doesn't help with the constant speculation amongst fans that Dean is gay. I don't know if back then the writers were setting it up so Dean looked like a repressed homosexual, or if in hindsight they realised they had.

They enter a room full of old-fashioned medical equipment, and bits of debris as well as a headless doll. The EMF still has no reading. Dean comments on the equipment, and the barbaric methods they used to use, and then does a poor impression of Jack Nicholson as he references One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

Seriously, Dean, my fantasy boyfriend, stop that. Don't do that. At all.

Sam doesn't react, and Dean focuses back on the job, asking if Sam thinks the ghosts are possessing people. Sam says maybe.

He means no.

Sam says maybe it's more like Amityville, or the Smurl haunting.

Nice referencing of other legends you're not going to touch because they've been proven false! Supernatural has some integrity.

Dean sums up the stories for those who don't know ("Spirits driving them insane") and then references Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

Dean loves Jack Nicholson, if you didn't get that, already.

Sam asks when they're going to talk about the fact that their dad isn't there, and Dean says "Oh, uh, let's see. Never." Sam tells him that he's being serious and Dean says so is he, that their dad sent them to do this job and they can look for him later.

In Dean's defence, John only sent them the coordinates, he never promised to be there. Sam got his hopes up, and Dean focused on the job. Sort of.

Sam - "It doesn't matter what he wants."
Dean - "See, that attitude right there? That is why I always got the extra cookie."
Sam - "Dad could be in trouble. We should be looking for him. We deserve answers, Dean. I mean, this is our family we're talking about."
Dean - "I understand that, Sam, but he's given us an order."
Sam - "So we always gotta follow Dad's orders?"
Dean - "Of course we do."

That right there? Totally sets off their dynamic. Sam kinda looks pointedly at Dean at that bit, and Dean turns away. It's weird, like Dean's not ready to fly the nest, at twenty-six, but at the same time he knows that by not following orders, John would get more irritated with him. John should win parent of the year.

Dean comes across a plaque by one of the machines, with the name Sanford Ellicott on it. He says they need to do more research on the south wing, to get its history and see if anything out of the ordinary happened, and hands Sam the plaque before walking out of the room.

We cut to Sam sitting in a modern waiting room, flicking through a magazine. A man walks out of a room with a plaque announcing Dr James Ellicott on it, and he approaches Sam, inviting him into the room. Sam looks around the office, as the doctor prepares his notes. He starts talking, asking if there was another local doctor with the same surname. Dr James nods, and says it was his father, the chief psychiatrist at the asylum. He asks how Sam knew about that, and Sam says he's a local history buff. Sam starts enthusing about the asylum, asking about the incident there, and the doctor reminds Sam that he's paid for a consultation.

I cannot tell if Dean would have been pissed to pay out for this, or glad to have Sam tell someone else his crazy for an hour.

The doctor reminds Sam they're there to talk about him, and Sam says 'of course' and the doctor asks him how things are going. Sam says they're good, and the doctor asks what he's been doing. Sam gives the normal line about being on a road trip with his brother. The doctor asks if it was fun, and Sam starts to struggle to put a positive spin on what's happened so far, without giving everything away. As he talks, his smile fades, and he struggles even more to sound convincing. Eventually he gives up, and brings up the south wing again.

The shrink interrupts him to say if he was such a buff, he would know about the riots. Sam says of course he knows, he's just curious, and Dr Ellicott interrupts him to say he's avoid the subject. Sam raises his eyebrows at him.

Because Sam is actually here for research, and the psychiatrist is trying to do his job and fighting the questioning, and Sam is shocked that someone actually wants to help him. It would be a first.

The shrink offers Sam a deal, he'll give Sam information about the riots, and Sam has to be honest about himself. He asks Sam how he feels about Dean. Sam muses on this for a moment, raising his eyebrows again, looking away, fidgeting.

Outside, Dean is leaning against a partition in the glass wall, and Sam comes out, obviously at the end of his consultation. Dean tells him he was in there forever, and asks what was said. We get some bare facts about the asylum. It was a hospital, and the south wing was the ward for the hard cases, the less mentally sound. One night in 1964, they rioted. Some patients died, so did some staff. It was gory, and some bodies were never recovered. Including Dr Ellicott. Dean asks what that means, and Sam tells him the place was searched, but the rioters must have hidden the missing bodies well. All surviving patients were transferred, and the hospital shut down. They conclude they have a host of angry spirits haunting the hospital, and agree to check it out that night.

I love how unphased they are about entering a condemned building full of mentally unbalanced ghosts. I personally would run away somewhere far away from the building. They're either stupid, psychotic, or both. But I guess they were raised into this, it's normal for them.

Another teen couple sneak into the building, down into the south wing. The guy says the place is creepy and terrifying, and his girlfriend does not look impressed by his summation. She tells him it's a lame date, and she thought they were going to see a movie. He compares it to being in a movie. They go through the corridor, and he whips around suddenly, asking what a noise was and making her jump, then laughing.

If there are any guys reading? Don't do that. It's a dick move, and he won't be getting any, not from her.

He sees a locker across a room, and heads for it, as she asks to just go. He tells her to wait there, he'll just be a minute. He walks off an leaves her, peering into other rooms. Meanwhile, she hears a gasp behind her, and turns slowly to see what's there. The door closes shut behind the boy - Gavin - and she turns around, her eyes widening at what she can see.

As Gavin goes further into the room he's in, his torch begins to flicker, and we see a girl standing in the doorway behind him. He turns and sees her, and mistakes her for his girlfriend in the darkness. She walks over, and kisses him, and then we hear her calling out for him. He stops kissing the girl back, and shoves her away, suddenly afraid.

Good. Sorry, he deserves it.

Sam and Dean enter the asylum themselves, turning on the EMF, loading up a video camera, and shining their own flashlights about. They follow the spikes in the EMF, and Sam mentions that the place is 'orbing' as he looks at the video playback screen of the video camera. Dean agrees they must be all the spirits of the missing patients and they need to salt and burn, and then tells Sam "Be careful though, the only thing that makes me more nervous than a pissed-off spirit is the pissed-off spirit of a psycho killer."

So the boys do get nervous. Sometimes it's hard to tell. Marine training, I guess. But it's so typical of Dean, to try and make a joke even when they're faced with the ghosts of several psychotic rioters. And worse.

As they carry on down the corridor, something moves across the hall behind them. They both stop and turn to look, Sam shining his flashlight in that direction. The camera pans down to the bottom of a trolley, where a ghost in a straight jacket is twitching, his face blurring.

You're meant to be scared at this point, but I'll be nice to you. These ghosts are actually pretty harmless. They were just scared, themselves. They're also not the rioters. They were the experiments.

The guys find another room, and begin investigating different parts, looking separately for clues. Sam begins to follow an orb on his screen, and then hears a metal door moving, and turns to look for the source … and finds a wall. He turns back, and there's a woman there, her face bloody, and she's reaching out to him, shuffling closer. He shouts for Dean. Dean comes rushing back, pulls out the shotgun, orders Sam to get down, and shoots her with a salt round.

I am keeping track. That's Dean saves Sam 6, Sam saves Dean 2. Them saving others and not worrying about each other, 2. Multiple saves per episode not included, unless they take it in turns.

They say the ghost attack was weird, Sam saying due to the fact the ghost didn't attack him. Dean says it looked bad from his angle, and Sam insists she wasn't trying to hurt him, but she was after something. He starts wondering aloud what she could have wanted as they walk further into the asylum, and they both turn to look into a room at the same time. Sam turns the flashlight on, and Dean loads up the gun again as they step forward. They can see a head behind an upturned gurney, and quickly flip it back, expecting to see another spirit. Instead, they find the girl.

Dean lowers his gun slowly as she freaks out, and Sam turns the flashlight off, as Dean promises they're not going to hurt her. He asks her name, and she tells him it's Katherine, Kat for short. Dean introduces himself and Sam, and Sam demands to know what she's doing there. She starts to explain that Gavin brought her, and Dean interrupts to ask if he's there. She explains that Gavin wanted to come see some ghosts, and that she's seen 'things'. She's clearly terrified. She tells them she heard Gavin scream, and Dean tells her Sam will help her get out. Sam gives him a dirty look as she says no, she won't leave without Gavin.

She's a moron. Maybe she is a good fit for Gavin, after all?

Dean tells her it's dangerous, and she insists that's why she needs to find Gavin. Sam gives him a pointed look again, and Dean ignores him, saying they should split up. Dean goes with Kat, and Sam goes alone, and they all call for Gavin as they search. Dean interrupts Kat's calls to ask her if she's seen a lot of horror movies. She says yes, and he tells her, next time, pay attention. If they say a place is haunted, don't go in.

Ha, I love it. I think both brothers have little respect for dumb people who buy into those stories and then actively seek out the legends. It's made their job in solving this case that much harder, because now Dean is babysitting, and their investigation is held up. And Dean especially can be a little terrifying, and intimidating. Plus, he was the one holding a shotgun up to her face. She didn't know the rounds were only rock salt.

Sam goes into another room, and finds Gavin prone on the floor. He calls his name, bending over him, trying to bring Gavin round. He sits up suddenly, and Sam reassures him that he's there to help, and he can take Gavin to Kat. Gavin tells him he was running and fell over, and Sam asks what he was running from. He explains, and when he gets to the part where the ghost kissed him, Sam looks baffled. He pushes on and asks if Gavin remembered anything else, and Gavin tells him that she went to whisper something in his ear. Sam asks what, but Gavin says he ran before he could find out.

In Dean and Kat's corridor, meanwhile, the flashlight dies. Dean calls it a son of a bitch.

I think this is the first time he's used that phrase so far. In episode ten … it becomes one of his catchphrases. Like the word awesome, and saying 'dammit, Cas!'. Sam doesn't really have catchphrases, although he says 'I don't know, Dean,' a lot. Which he uses to contradict Dean's theories, not because he's suddenly rendered stupid. He's clearly not. Anyway, huzzah! Dean's first son of a bitch is his flashlight. Of course, this is the sign that spirits are about, particularly this one.

Dean switches to a lighter, and Kat tells him that he's hurting her arm. He turns to look at her, asking what she's talking about, and she realises he's too far away to be near him. The look down at the trolley she's stood next to, and a ghost is holding her arm. she screams, and runs away, and he tries to chase after her. She shuts herself into a room, which he then can't open.

He shouts at Kat to hang on, and starts hitting at the door with a crowbar. Meanwhile, in the room, something is standing behind Kat. She backs into it, and looks around slowly. But when she looks, there's nothing there. Meanwhile, Dean is slowly trying to pry the door open, between the blunt hacks he's making. Moments later, back in the room, Kat senses another presence. She turns, and finds another ghost, this one gaunt with long, straggly hair and a bloodied face. She screams, and hops backwards, but he's behind her again.

Sam and Gavin come running up, Sam asking what's going on and Dean shouting back that Kat's inside with a ghost, as she screams for help. Sam calls through the doorway to stop freaking out, to listen to the ghost because it won't hurt her. She repeats it as a question, and Sam repeats himself, saying the spirits aren't hurting them, they're trying to communicate. She has to face it. She tells him to face it, and he tells her it's the only way she's going to get out of the room.

He encourages her a little more, and she finally plucks up the courage to look at the ghost. He leans closer, and we see Sam and Dean swap a look as they wait to find out whether or not Sam was right with his hunch. The door finally clicks open, and Kat stands in the doorway, looking scared. Sam and Dean look into the room as she joins Gavin, and then she tells them 'one-thirty-seven.'

I didn't talk through this bit because I didn't see much need, but it's interesting to note that in times like this, Dean will revert to brute strength and Sam will revert to logical thinking, like they've been reduced to the base point of their personalities in a crisis. And they do trust each other, when it comes to hunting, because Dean trusted Sam's theory. Anyway, onwards, because they both worked out 137 is a room number.

The boys have a quick pow-wow over the ghosts intentions, and Sam says he thinks they're trying to say that the ghosts meant never tried to hurt anyone. Dean turns his attention to Kat and Gavin and asks if they're ready to leave. Kat calls it an understatement. Dean tells Sam to get them out of the asylum, and heads off to find the room.

As Sam leads Kat and Gavin out, Kat starts asking Sam questions.

Probably because Sam comes across as more personable. However, he sounds really sullen, and I know it's because he's sick of this job and not having John there.

Kat - "So, how do you guys know about all this ghost stuff?"
Sam - "It's kind of our job."
Kat - "Why would anyone want a job like that?"
Sam - "I had a crappy guidance counsellor."
Kat - "And Dean? He's your boss?"
Sam - "No."

Says you, Samuel.

Dean finds room 137, and pushes his way in, past the chairs stacked up behind the door. The room is full of filing cabinets that have been knocked over, obviously in the riots. He flicks through some files as he looks around, hoping for some kind of epiphany. Meanwhile, Sam has finally reached a door to get outside, but the door won't open. He tells them it's a problem, and Gavin suggests breaking the door down. Sam shoots that idea down. Gavin suggests the windows, and Kat reminds him that they're barred. Gavin asks how they're meant to leave, and Sam says they're not. They're being kept in, because something doesn't want them to leave.

And because Jared is that good an actor, you can tell it's just occurred to Sam that that's the case. And it's also just occurred to him what the repercussions may be for Dean if he's poking around in the room that the ghost just mentioned.

Kat asks if he meant the patients, but Sam says no, it's something else.

As Dean pokes around the room, he finds a hole in the wall, and peers in, before pulling the panel away. It's a fake wall, and behind it, He finds a journal. He says "This is why I get paid the big bucks." as he opens it up and finds notes and diagrams relating to Dr Sanford Ellicott's research. He pulls up a seat and reads through as much as he can, commenting to himself with things like "Why, all work and no play makes Dr Ellicott a very dull boy." He senses something in the corner, and turns.

With the Jack Nicholson references again? I guess nobody's perfect. And loving the sarcasm, since he doesn't get paid for what he does, at all.

Sam, meanwhile, has been looking around the asylum, and goes back to Gavin and Kat, telling them he can't find any other way out. Gavin asks what they're going to do and Sam says first, stop panicking. He gets a cell phone call, and picks up. It's a static-y Dean, saying he knows what it is, it's with him in the basement. Hurry up. Sam says he's going, and hangs up, then asks if Gavin or Kat can handle a shotgun. Gavin says no, but Kat says yes. She used to go skeet shooting. Sam gives her his shotgun, telling her it's full of rock salt. It won't kill, but it will repel ghosts. He goes running down into the basement, into the boiler room.

Yep, Sam is that dumb. Is Dean?

Sam looks around the basement, trying a couple of doors and shining his flashlight around, looking for Dean. He notices the door with the biohazard sign and walks in, shouting for Dean. Halfway into the room, his flashlight flickers, and he tries to get it working again. A door behind him creaks open, and he cocks another shotgun, ready to shoot as he inches forward through the door. He looks all around, calling Dean again, quieter this time, and we see a shadow behind a medical curtain. Sam goes closer, and pushes back the curtain. There's nothing there. He lowers the shotgun and turns, and a ghost materialises in front of him, grabbing his head and saying "Don't be afraid, I'm going to make you all better."

Yep, Sam is that dumb.

Gavin is pacing in the hallway Sam left them in, as Kat sits with the shotgun. She tells him that if they make it out alive, they're breaking up.

About time, woman!

They hear a noise and see someone's shadow. Kat stands up and holds the shotgun up and as Dean appears, she shots. He ducks out of the way as the wall next to where his face was explodes. He orders her not to shoot, and she calls a 'sorry' back. He gets up and approaches them again, asking why they're still there and where Sam is. Gavin tells him that Sam went to the basement after Dean's call. Dean says he didn't call, and Kat confirms that his cell rang and he said it was Dean.

Please say you saw it coming?

Dean grabs a shotgun, and puts it into his pants, telling them to watch out for themselves, and for him, and goes back into the asylum. He heads into the basement, calling for Sam. Sam appears out of nowhere, making Dean jump. He yells to cover it.

Sorry, I'm about to start quoting a fuck-load of dialogue. Hopefully, you'll see the relevance. I like quoting their relationship.

Dean - "Man, answer me when I'm calling you! You alright?"
Sam - "Yeah, I'm fine."
Dean - "You know that wasn't me that called your cell, right?"
Sam - "Yeah, I know. I think something lured me down here."
Dean - "I think I know who. Dr Ellicott. That's what the spirits have been trying to tell us. You haven't seen him, have you?"
Sam - "No. How do you know it was him?"
Dean - "Because I found his log book. Apparently, he was experimenting on his patients. Some awful stuff. Makes lobotomies look like aspirin."
Sam - "But it was the patients who rioted."
Dean - "Yeah, they were rioting against Dr Ellicott. Dr Feelgood was working on some sort of, like, extreme rage therapy. He thought that if he could get his patients to vent their anger, then they'd be cured of it. Instead, it only made them worse and worse, and angrier and angrier. So I'm thinking, what if his spirit is doing the same thing? To the cop, to the kids in the seventies. Making them so angry, they become homicidal. Come on. We've got to find his bones and torch them."

Sam's not the only smart cookie. Dean's intuition is his best asset, remember that.

Dean pushes through the basement, and Sam calls after him, asking how they're going to do that when the police never recovered his body. Dean tells him it's in the log book, a hidden procedure room in the basement. He says if he was a patient, he'd drag the doctor down into the room and give him the procedure. Sam tells him it sounds crazy, and he says yeah, exactly. Dean then goes into the biohazard room, and Sam watches him, almost emotionless. He eventually follows, and tells Dean he looked everywhere and couldn't find a hidden room. Dean tells him, that's why they call it hidden, and then asks if Sam can hear something. Dean walks to the hidden door, and waves his hand at the bottom, where there's a small crack, ignoring the sullen look on Sam's face.

He says that there's a door there, and Sam cocks his shotgun, calling Dean's name. Dean turns, and takes in his brother's stance, and the blood trickling out of his nose.

Sam - "Step back from the door."
Dean - *standing up slowly* "Sam, put the gun down."
Sam - "Is that an order?"
Dean - "No, it's more of a friendly request."
Sam - "Because I'm getting pretty tired of taking your orders."
Dean - *smirking* "I knew it. Ellicott did something to you, didn't he?"
Sam - "For once in your life, just shut your mouth."
Dean - "What are you gonna do, Sam? Gun's filled with rock salt. Not gonna kill me."
Sam - *shoots Dean anyway, hitting him on the chest. Dean goes flying through the hidden door into the room.* "No. But it'll hurt like hell."

Yeah, Sam just shot Dean. And Dean was pretty reasonable, for once, with Sam acting all crazy.

Dean comes too, coughing and calling for Sam, as Sam walks closer.

Dean - "We gotta burn Ellicott's bones and all this will be over. You'll be back to normal."
Sam - "I am normal. I'm just telling the truth for the first time. I mean, why are we even here? Because you're following Dad's orders like a good little soldier? Because you always do what he says without question? Are you that desperate for his approval?"
Dean - "This isn't you talking Sam."
Sam - "That's the difference between you and me. I have a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic like you."
Dean - "So what're you gonna do, huh? You gonna kill me?"
Sam - "You know what, I am sick of doing what you tell me to do. We're no closer to finding Dad today than we were six months ago."
Dean - "Well, then here, let me make it easier for you." *Dean hands over his handgun* "Come on. Take it. Real bullets are going to work a hell of a lot better than rock salt. Take it!"

Sam takes the handgun, and drops the shotgun, stepping closer and pointing the gun directly at Dean's face.

Dean - "You hate me that much? You think you could kill your own brother? Then go ahead. Pull the trigger."

Sam takes forever, glaring at Dean, his gun hand shaking. Dean shouts at him to do it, and he does. Nothing happens. He tries again, Dean watching him, and after the third hammer cock, Dean gets up and tackles Sam, then gets up.

Dean - "Man, I'm not gonna give you a loaded pistol!"

And then Dean punches him in the face.

I'm going to go with Dean taking the brother role right here. Though he was definitely in mother-mode when Sam had a gun on him. They're such typical boys, settling their arguments with violence. I'm sure they'll be fine in a couple of episodes. Or the end of season ten, next year.

Dean pats Sam's back, and apologises for hitting him, standing up and looking around the secret room for the first time. He goes closer into it, swiping medical curtains out of the way as he goes, missing the ghost passing him by. He finds a cupboard, low down on the ground, and approaches it after spotting a tuft of hair sticking out of the gap between the door and the side. He opens it up and finds Ellicott's remains, retching slightly from the stench of the decaying body.

I'm glad they included that, sincerely. Dead bodies and desecrated graves must smell foul, and you never see Shaggy gagging in Scooby-Doo. A physical reaction makes sense.

He opens up the duffel bag and salts the body, and his torch starts flickering. He ignores it as he adds lighter fluid to the body, still gagging over the smell of the body. Before he can get any further, a gurney slides across the room and knocks him over, and Dr Ellicott grabs his head, telling him what he told Sam. He's going to help. Somehow, through the attack, Dean manages to reach across to the duffel, finding his lighter, flicking it on in one shot, and throwing it on the corpse. The body begins burning, and the ghost is destroyed.

Side bar, somehow, Dean is laying on Sam's legs. I'm not having inappropriate thoughts about that!

Sam comes too as Dean sits up, and Dean asks if Sam's going to try to kill him. Sam says no, and Dean says good, otherwise it'd be awkward.

Outside, Kat and Gavin say thanks, and Dean tells them to stay out of haunted asylums. They nod and walk off to their car, and Sam starts talking to Dean.

Sam - "Hey, Dean? I'm sorry man. I-I said some awful things back there."
Dean - "You remember all that?"
Sam - "Yeah. It's like I couldn't control it. But I didn't mean it, any of it."
Dean - "You didn't, huh?"
Sam - "No, of course not. Do we need to talk about this?"
Dean - "No. I'm not really in the sharing-and-caring kind of mood. I just wanna get some sleep."

Later, in the hotel room, Dean is asleep in bed, as his phone rings. Sam tries to wake him up to pick it up, but Dean is too far gone. Sam picks up instead.

Sam - "Hello? … Dad?"

Ooooooooh, interesting end! Gosh, this one took me forever, just haven't had the time in amongst writing, editing someone else's fanfic, finding out I meet Sam in less than two months … but the storyline is just beginning to pick up! Also, you'll notice there aren't any pictures in this update, and that's for a couple of reasons. First, because I should link back to my sources so I need to figure out the best way to organise that, and secondly because this episode is mainly shot in the dark, and it all looks like a trashed asylum. You've seen one pic, you've seen them all, you know?

I did think this episode was interesting though, because I think they went into the asylum with what little information they'd gathered fifteen minutes into the episode. Which means they were going through the actual process of hunting ghosts for 25 minutes. It's one of the few episodes they've done where they do explore that end so in-depth. It's interesting to see them go in, armed with information, but still needing to alter it as they go along and new situations arise.