You may have noticed I haven't been avidly updating you all on my Asylum experience as promised.
I don't mean to keep you all in the dark - especially Lydia, who's asked about it - but post-con there has been some … unpleasantness. And I barely know what to make of it and how to handle it and I'm trying my hardest to embrace the positive out there despite what's going on but guys, it's tough.
It's tough because one of my best friends, who came with me to the con, has since been accusing me of doing some really bitchy things, things that … I'm not saying the situations weren't there, but they weren't there in the way they've been conveyed to me and I'm really upset that she would even think that about me in the first place. I'm not going into specifics here, but yeah, I'm finding it really tough at the moment. Because when I try to answer, I'm trying to be fair, and find a middle ground, and okay, maybe I'm telling her that there's fault on her side too, but I'm not trying to absolve myself of anything, just trying to find the middle ground. And I'm getting even more shit back.
Your best friends aren't meant to be like this. I'm not saying they're not allowed to tell you when you're being a dick, but try and only do that when they have been a dick. I just feel like the only way out of this is to roll over and take it and admit I was being a bitch and fake a smile every time we interact from her on out but … that's not me. I will admit to plenty, because of course I'm not an angel, but I try to live by putting my hands up and saying 'I was a raging douchebag'. But in this instance, I know I wasn't. I've talked to other people who were there, and they've said they never saw me doing anything so spiteful. I don't want to fake anything here, but it honestly feels like my opinion in this situation really does not matter.
I'm actually heartbroken over this. It was, actually, a really good weekend. Yes, there were moments of contention between us, but nothing like what I've been accused of. And when I've tried to defend myself, I've been accused of being equally offensive. I have no idea what to do about this. She wants to sweep it under the carpet now she's said her piece but … I can't do that. And I don't know what else I can do about it. I've had a couple of people offer me the same advice over it, and I wish I could take it but the situation doesn't feel as clear cut as they're making it sound.
So yeah, it's hard to write about something so happy when I feel so miserable. And I even feel like a bitch for saying overall, I was happy about the weekend when since she's given me the silent treatment until last Friday and since then, she hasn't stopped messaging me with this stuff. I'm so worn out by it. I was happy and approachable all weekend, to everyone I could manage. I even want to go again, though she doesn't; in fact, I've just paid to go to the next two, because it was a good experience and the other con goers were good to talk to. But for me, it's totally unconnected to everything that happened between us at the time, and since.
I know she'll probably read this, and maybe even comment on here too. And it probably seems like really incoherent rambling but that's kind of the point, I don't know what to think of it, what to do about it, anything. The only thing I know is that it makes me want to crawl into a ball and cry for a very, very long time. I was not that person. I would never be that person.
Thursday 29 May 2014
Sunday 25 May 2014
Destiel
Don't be put off by the title, but I want to talk about an area of the Supernatural fandom that I consider myself a part of, that might set some people on edge. It sets a lot of people on edge.
Particularly, it seems, the actors in the roles who get asked constantly about the notion. Yeah, other fans, please don't do that.
Anyway, so for those who don't know (sorry to those who do) Destiel is a concept within Supernatural, or at least, amongst fans, that there's a relationship of some description between one of the leads, Dean, and one of the series regulars, Castiel. I'm being vague on purpose, because despite whatever fan fiction I might write, my idea of it isn't the same as everyone else's.
I'll try and stay on point with this, because I can feel myself getting ahead of where I want to be and I totally blame the Asylum fans for distracting me with the very subject I'm trying to write about! I should shut down my Facebook window sometime. Sorry if it's disjointed. You know by now, my head doesn't work right, and I'm tired.
So yeah, word has spread through tumblr and onto social media sites that I can remember the password to about a Destiel question asked at JIBCon, the Italian Supernatural convention. Someone asked Jensen about it. The video I saw didn't pick up the question too well, but Jensen was pretty good - I thought - at answering in a very balanced way. But maybe some Destiel fans (why are we considered the same? Inwardly groaning!) should have taken heed when he said it was taken out of proportion. Because hey, guess what they did on tumblr?
Yeah, they took his answer out of proportion.
It's pretty simple to me, the whole notion of Destiel. Maybe it's because I am a Grace so I don't get that whole 'zomg they should have SEX' thing that some fans do (more internal groaning, here) but to me it's more like they're playing to a TV/film/book concept that most people get wrong. I can think of a few examples of shows where there has been speculation of two characters (normally in a hetero relationship, like Eric and Donna in That 70's Show, Corey and Topanga in Boy Meets World, Nick and Jess in New Girl, just to name a few of the crap TV I enjoy) and the writers latch onto the fans reaction to that, and put the couples together. They do it so early that they cancel out the tension, and then make a perfectly decent couple with chemistry break up for Reasons.
The alternative to this is the love triangle, like Bella-Edward-Jacob, Katniss-Peeta-Gale, whatever but even that wears on the people reading/watching. Who they choose is obvious.
I think Supernatural writers have realised that it's the tension that grabs people. That they can keep playing the will they/won't they, and they'll still have viewers hooked. That's the thing I love about Destiel, that it's not actually canon but there's a possibility, potentially. They know how I function as a consumer, damn them!
I like other elements of Destiel too, on the level I see it as. Regardless of whether you acknowledge the concept as viable, you can see that "in real life" Jensen and Misha are good friends, and that comes across in their work. You can easily buy into the notion that Dean and Castiel care very much about each other. For me, Destiel is merely acknowledging that there is an emotional connection there. That's it. I was talking to the other Asylum-goers about it, because we're all pretty upset that a)a decent answer has caused so much of a shitstorm b)someone thought it was okay to bring that to the table in the first place (and c) that actually, they're making perfectly decent, harmless Destiel-shippers seem like ignorant mongs).
So yeah, people are deleting their tumblrs and twitter accounts and 'boycotting the show' (on hellatus, smart move!) all because they've taken an answer out of context and decided it's meant that the thing they created in their heads wasn't real, and not only that but the actors are all raging homophobes. I'm offended. They must be offended. I'm also offended that this kind of juvenile behaviour leads others to cuss out an otherwise harmless branch of the fandom. Supernatural fans are ridiculously passionate and it's one of the things I've really embraced since becoming a part of it, but even though I haven't reacted in the same way (eh, I knew it wouldn't happen. Even in my head canon of there maybe being some lip-on-cheek and then a typical Dean freak out, I know is far-fetched) I feel like I'm being insulted on twitter by those who don't support the notion because I, in some way, do. In a couple of days when emotions aren't running high (I get it, JIBConners, blast at the con yet reality slapping you in the face? Was there a week ago!) it'll all blow over and those people will slink back to the fandom (with fun comments on their fanfics of 'well, it's canon in my head that Destiel regularly get naked, screw Jensen!) but in the mean time …
I just want to put out there that fans need to separate fiction from reality. And that can be split by so many ways. Just think of it compartmentalised - there are the actors in their lives, doing whatever they do, there are the actors on set, reading lines, there's the edited version you see, there's the way you interpret it, and there's the way you choose to adapt it further in your head. Don't hold the guy doing his level best to give a balanced answer he had to struggle through accountable for the way you've decided it should go based on what you've read in subtext. That's not fair. He didn't write the script, he wasn't in your head! Maybe I find it easy because I do write a lot and I'd have some real difficulties in a lot of areas if I suddenly started talking about my MCs in real life, but really, I don't think it's so hard to separate the role from the actor from head canon.
Jensen, it seems to me, gets a hell of a lot of shit that he frankly doesn't deserve. Whether it's because he rarely comes to England (come on, it's either filming time or important family markers, cut the guy a break!) or because he has to balance what he thinks, what the network wants, what different areas of the fandom expects and still give a valid answer. He did his best. Step the fuck off, you know? They try to be diplomatic and fair and it's still not good enough for some people. Or else there's shit flying that his relationship is false and he's clearly in a relationship with his co-stars and it just pisses me off. With crap like this, it almost amazes me that he does do these conventions (but not entirely, because I can tell they love their crazy, crazy, completely mental fans very much).
I mean that. At Asylum 12, we were aware Jared had been flying back and forth everywhere and probably didn't know what the fuck time it was. I got into a coffee lounge with Misha and we all said he must be jet lagged, but he was so cool with us despite saying yeah, he was. I didn't get his autograph until the end of the weekend and at the time I did, I could see he was flagging. And yet they didn't complain, they put the fans first, and I'm so grateful that even though I could see he was half-asleep, he was still polite and friendly. I didn't like to mention that I was tired (yay, post-TTP shit!) because yeah, even with my fatigue, I had nothing on him. If they can put us first for stuff like that, why can't people just respect that questions on topics like Destiel are tricky at best and divisive at worst? Why can't they think 'hey, the answer I get will never be the answer I want?'
Because that's true, the answer received will NEVER be the answer you want. Know why? Because season ten hasn't been written yet! It won't be fully polished until the last take is filmed, because script revisions happen all the time in TV. And the actors won't know what the writers are planning. And even if they did, they'll carry on stringing it on because will they/won't they is a hot commodity in writing! So why apply that pressure on the actors?
I felt sorry for Misha at Asylum too. He was happy to joke with us about the fake Heaven concept, and there was a sticky Destiel question as well. One of the better ones, because it wasn't about Destiel so much as it's impact in the LGBTA (never forget the A!) community with a reference to gay-baiting. And I thought he gave a well-balanced answer, but you could tell he got pissed off that people even thought that was possible. That they thought by association he would be like that. For what it's worth, I don't think it's like that. I think it's interesting that Supernatural is willing to take on the element of suspense with a pairing that might not be typical hetero, and it's becoming very obvious that it's a minefield whichever way they play it. I wish people could see that actually, the writers are being brave, but also, the writers have it RIGHT. Will they? Won't they? Are we going to have to watch another fifteen seasons to find out?
I fucking hope so.
Sorry if this is completely disjointed. I'm tired and completely distracted. Supernatural is actually being shown on Sky Living as I type which is confusing yet awesome. I mean, okay, it's season seven and the formatting sucks and they left the original tag of 'our new series' on an episode, but … small miracle, those fuckers are trying to take it away from us! Also, will do another con update tomorrow. It's like, nearly midnight :(
**edit** wow, this post has had a lot of views! Which I suppose is inevitable if I link it on twitter and a Facebook group with over 1,000 members. I just wanted to clarify that my point in all this was that it's actually fine to have our little niches within the fanscope, but we should just leave the actors the hell alone with it. Yeah, yeah, I know, Misha might, 75% of the time, be okay with talking about it, but that's not a validation to act like there's entitlement for it. That's just validation that Misha is one of the coolest guys ever because he does try to understand the fans and invest that attention on us. I hero worship Misha a little, I guess is what I'm also saying here. But anyway, when fans pull this shit, it detracts from what the show is about. It's as important as Harry and Hermoine being together in Harry Potter. End of.
It's intriguing as well to me, that this issue came up when it did. I'm part of a 400+ comment thread on the Asylum Facebook group where we discussed sexuality and dating (and I love that so many of you are queer, in whatever way that manifests!) and it was such a cool vibe in there, sharing horror stories and being supportive and loving that it was something for us. And then the JIBCon stuff filtered through and *sighes* I don't think so many people would be so proud to be Pan or Poly or in the Ace spectrum, or even flat-out straight in our community if Supernatural really were gay-baiting. Maybe I just got lucky and managed to meet the very best Supernatural fans out there?
Particularly, it seems, the actors in the roles who get asked constantly about the notion. Yeah, other fans, please don't do that.
Anyway, so for those who don't know (sorry to those who do) Destiel is a concept within Supernatural, or at least, amongst fans, that there's a relationship of some description between one of the leads, Dean, and one of the series regulars, Castiel. I'm being vague on purpose, because despite whatever fan fiction I might write, my idea of it isn't the same as everyone else's.
I'll try and stay on point with this, because I can feel myself getting ahead of where I want to be and I totally blame the Asylum fans for distracting me with the very subject I'm trying to write about! I should shut down my Facebook window sometime. Sorry if it's disjointed. You know by now, my head doesn't work right, and I'm tired.
So yeah, word has spread through tumblr and onto social media sites that I can remember the password to about a Destiel question asked at JIBCon, the Italian Supernatural convention. Someone asked Jensen about it. The video I saw didn't pick up the question too well, but Jensen was pretty good - I thought - at answering in a very balanced way. But maybe some Destiel fans (why are we considered the same? Inwardly groaning!) should have taken heed when he said it was taken out of proportion. Because hey, guess what they did on tumblr?
Yeah, they took his answer out of proportion.
It's pretty simple to me, the whole notion of Destiel. Maybe it's because I am a Grace so I don't get that whole 'zomg they should have SEX' thing that some fans do (more internal groaning, here) but to me it's more like they're playing to a TV/film/book concept that most people get wrong. I can think of a few examples of shows where there has been speculation of two characters (normally in a hetero relationship, like Eric and Donna in That 70's Show, Corey and Topanga in Boy Meets World, Nick and Jess in New Girl, just to name a few of the crap TV I enjoy) and the writers latch onto the fans reaction to that, and put the couples together. They do it so early that they cancel out the tension, and then make a perfectly decent couple with chemistry break up for Reasons.
The alternative to this is the love triangle, like Bella-Edward-Jacob, Katniss-Peeta-Gale, whatever but even that wears on the people reading/watching. Who they choose is obvious.
I think Supernatural writers have realised that it's the tension that grabs people. That they can keep playing the will they/won't they, and they'll still have viewers hooked. That's the thing I love about Destiel, that it's not actually canon but there's a possibility, potentially. They know how I function as a consumer, damn them!
I like other elements of Destiel too, on the level I see it as. Regardless of whether you acknowledge the concept as viable, you can see that "in real life" Jensen and Misha are good friends, and that comes across in their work. You can easily buy into the notion that Dean and Castiel care very much about each other. For me, Destiel is merely acknowledging that there is an emotional connection there. That's it. I was talking to the other Asylum-goers about it, because we're all pretty upset that a)a decent answer has caused so much of a shitstorm b)someone thought it was okay to bring that to the table in the first place (and c) that actually, they're making perfectly decent, harmless Destiel-shippers seem like ignorant mongs).
So yeah, people are deleting their tumblrs and twitter accounts and 'boycotting the show' (on hellatus, smart move!) all because they've taken an answer out of context and decided it's meant that the thing they created in their heads wasn't real, and not only that but the actors are all raging homophobes. I'm offended. They must be offended. I'm also offended that this kind of juvenile behaviour leads others to cuss out an otherwise harmless branch of the fandom. Supernatural fans are ridiculously passionate and it's one of the things I've really embraced since becoming a part of it, but even though I haven't reacted in the same way (eh, I knew it wouldn't happen. Even in my head canon of there maybe being some lip-on-cheek and then a typical Dean freak out, I know is far-fetched) I feel like I'm being insulted on twitter by those who don't support the notion because I, in some way, do. In a couple of days when emotions aren't running high (I get it, JIBConners, blast at the con yet reality slapping you in the face? Was there a week ago!) it'll all blow over and those people will slink back to the fandom (with fun comments on their fanfics of 'well, it's canon in my head that Destiel regularly get naked, screw Jensen!) but in the mean time …
I just want to put out there that fans need to separate fiction from reality. And that can be split by so many ways. Just think of it compartmentalised - there are the actors in their lives, doing whatever they do, there are the actors on set, reading lines, there's the edited version you see, there's the way you interpret it, and there's the way you choose to adapt it further in your head. Don't hold the guy doing his level best to give a balanced answer he had to struggle through accountable for the way you've decided it should go based on what you've read in subtext. That's not fair. He didn't write the script, he wasn't in your head! Maybe I find it easy because I do write a lot and I'd have some real difficulties in a lot of areas if I suddenly started talking about my MCs in real life, but really, I don't think it's so hard to separate the role from the actor from head canon.
Jensen, it seems to me, gets a hell of a lot of shit that he frankly doesn't deserve. Whether it's because he rarely comes to England (come on, it's either filming time or important family markers, cut the guy a break!) or because he has to balance what he thinks, what the network wants, what different areas of the fandom expects and still give a valid answer. He did his best. Step the fuck off, you know? They try to be diplomatic and fair and it's still not good enough for some people. Or else there's shit flying that his relationship is false and he's clearly in a relationship with his co-stars and it just pisses me off. With crap like this, it almost amazes me that he does do these conventions (but not entirely, because I can tell they love their crazy, crazy, completely mental fans very much).
I mean that. At Asylum 12, we were aware Jared had been flying back and forth everywhere and probably didn't know what the fuck time it was. I got into a coffee lounge with Misha and we all said he must be jet lagged, but he was so cool with us despite saying yeah, he was. I didn't get his autograph until the end of the weekend and at the time I did, I could see he was flagging. And yet they didn't complain, they put the fans first, and I'm so grateful that even though I could see he was half-asleep, he was still polite and friendly. I didn't like to mention that I was tired (yay, post-TTP shit!) because yeah, even with my fatigue, I had nothing on him. If they can put us first for stuff like that, why can't people just respect that questions on topics like Destiel are tricky at best and divisive at worst? Why can't they think 'hey, the answer I get will never be the answer I want?'
Because that's true, the answer received will NEVER be the answer you want. Know why? Because season ten hasn't been written yet! It won't be fully polished until the last take is filmed, because script revisions happen all the time in TV. And the actors won't know what the writers are planning. And even if they did, they'll carry on stringing it on because will they/won't they is a hot commodity in writing! So why apply that pressure on the actors?
I felt sorry for Misha at Asylum too. He was happy to joke with us about the fake Heaven concept, and there was a sticky Destiel question as well. One of the better ones, because it wasn't about Destiel so much as it's impact in the LGBTA (never forget the A!) community with a reference to gay-baiting. And I thought he gave a well-balanced answer, but you could tell he got pissed off that people even thought that was possible. That they thought by association he would be like that. For what it's worth, I don't think it's like that. I think it's interesting that Supernatural is willing to take on the element of suspense with a pairing that might not be typical hetero, and it's becoming very obvious that it's a minefield whichever way they play it. I wish people could see that actually, the writers are being brave, but also, the writers have it RIGHT. Will they? Won't they? Are we going to have to watch another fifteen seasons to find out?
I fucking hope so.
Sorry if this is completely disjointed. I'm tired and completely distracted. Supernatural is actually being shown on Sky Living as I type which is confusing yet awesome. I mean, okay, it's season seven and the formatting sucks and they left the original tag of 'our new series' on an episode, but … small miracle, those fuckers are trying to take it away from us! Also, will do another con update tomorrow. It's like, nearly midnight :(
**edit** wow, this post has had a lot of views! Which I suppose is inevitable if I link it on twitter and a Facebook group with over 1,000 members. I just wanted to clarify that my point in all this was that it's actually fine to have our little niches within the fanscope, but we should just leave the actors the hell alone with it. Yeah, yeah, I know, Misha might, 75% of the time, be okay with talking about it, but that's not a validation to act like there's entitlement for it. That's just validation that Misha is one of the coolest guys ever because he does try to understand the fans and invest that attention on us. I hero worship Misha a little, I guess is what I'm also saying here. But anyway, when fans pull this shit, it detracts from what the show is about. It's as important as Harry and Hermoine being together in Harry Potter. End of.
It's intriguing as well to me, that this issue came up when it did. I'm part of a 400+ comment thread on the Asylum Facebook group where we discussed sexuality and dating (and I love that so many of you are queer, in whatever way that manifests!) and it was such a cool vibe in there, sharing horror stories and being supportive and loving that it was something for us. And then the JIBCon stuff filtered through and *sighes* I don't think so many people would be so proud to be Pan or Poly or in the Ace spectrum, or even flat-out straight in our community if Supernatural really were gay-baiting. Maybe I just got lucky and managed to meet the very best Supernatural fans out there?
Saturday 24 May 2014
Asylum series part 1: Preparation
This will be written in parts, because I still have shifts going on and my niece and nephew are due any minute. The first section will be dedicated to Thursday and Friday, the prep days.
I left the house about 11.45 driving to Cat's house. My first time driving on the M25, and the M1 and it was on my own. I was terrified. All my pre-con nerves were about making it on those roads, getting to Cat's house without becoming hopelessly lost in her town, checking in with no problems, and getting our tickets. I mentioned briefly at the time that I was dealing with something unexpected on this blog, without highlighting it, but here it is - our tickets got cancelled for a week. It was a misunderstanding, and we were polite with the con runner about the issue, but I was still nervous about whether they were really reinstated. Anxiety is a beast. I'll discuss it more in another one of these, probably at the end. I want to get it right.
Anyway, so the drive wasn't too bad. Cat doesn't live far from where my grandparents did, so that was helpful, my route went by a lot of landmarks familiar for my childhood. I only got lost around the corner from her house because my notes merely mentioned road names, not directions, and although I'd tried to copy where my friend Charli had driven a few weeks before for McBusted, I still lost it because she got lost and went a different route! I still got there pretty quick, but then I was busting for a pee, so Cat let me use her toilet (thank you!)
And then we drove up to Birmingham, which was an experience. Lorry drivers really don't give a shit if you're in the faster lane, they're going to pull out anyway. And I - sorry Cat - began playing the Eddie Stobart game as we got further north. They were everywhere, which makes no sense because what do Eddie Stobart even do? Yeah, I should have announced about that game, sorry :( dick move.
We got to the hotel about 3.30? Which wasn't bad considering I was trying to drive on a few major roads, navigating a route with CatNav that I've never done before. We only drove into the wrong carpark once :/ and then check in was easy, and we decided to go check out the route to the Hilton, where the con was, maybe talk to some fans, grab some dinner.
I think we were both thinking the Hilton was going to be so far away, but it maybe took us ten minutes to get there? That made us both more confident. I had both our tickets, and we both had our ID, so we were set :) we bumped into a group of people from the con page, only three of whom I recognised, Dave, Brenda and Hayl, but everyone else was friendly. We ended up going with Hayl and another girl, Georgina, to check out the Wetherspoons in the NEC for dinner. Rammed. So we went back to Hayl's room and ordered Dominoes, which arrived when we needed to queue for getting registered. We ate in the queue! So sorry to everyone who could smell our pizza and was hungry while waiting to go ahead!
We got through the first stage of registering okay, but when we were meant to collect our packs they sent us to the guy who arranged the conventions. Which made me poop myself (not literally) but he just said they were making up our packs there and then. So phew! It didn't take long, and then we went back to the hotel for an early night (in theory) and so we could go through the schedule in the packs to see what we'd be doing with the things we'd planned for. Cat got to sleep pretty quickly, which I'm jealous of, my brain won't shut off even when my body's given up and my eyes are closing.
Anyway, so next day I was up at stupid o'clock and saw some people were already queueing for photo ops. Really? We got dressed and headed into the airport so I could grab some milk for my shakes and then went to the Hilton, and found Hayl again, but they said it would be much later for photo ops sales, they were just doing tickets and registration. And about half hour later, we found out where they were selling the ops, and got there just before the big queues. Sarah sold us our tickets, bless her, she was working so hard but was nowhere near as fast as the girl next to her, Emma. It wasn't a competition, of course, but I think she felt pressured from excitable fans.
So once we got the ops, we chilled out in the bar, not ordering any of their food. I'd brought some stuff with me, Cat and I snuck that ;) another fan came up to chat with us, and I'm sure she's a nice enough girl but she kinda dominated the conversation and I couldn't really relate to anything she was saying, at all. I tried to participate, but I don't think replying would have made any difference to be honest. We found out the Hilton were putting on a snack room that was cheaper than the bar, and we went there for dinner. And omfg, that girl! Everyone else was eating, chatting a little, even across tables, which was pretty cool, but she was just … I don't know if she's an only child - not an excuse - or if she was overexcitable or what, but she was like 'I'm going to obviously lick my plate in public and when no one comments I'll make a statement about it' and Cat tried telling her it was something we were trying to ignore so then she ate someone else's leftovers. I can't even … I know in a situation like the convention, not everyone would be friendly or normal, but it wasn't like the actors were about, you know? She felt like she was obviously attention-seeking, and trampling over some good conversations. And then she was like 'oh, those girls want to sit with me but I wanted to sit with you' and it was hard not to look at Cat or Hayl then, because I think all three of us felt like we could have had a good conversation, or found something awesome to do, but we had to sit there and listen to this girl most of the day. I feel like a bitch for saying it, because like I said, maybe there was something really wrong, but she wore me out!
We went to get ready for the themed party that night, which was based on the London tube … my costume was not the awesome I was expecting :/ ah well, it was made with love, that was the important thing. We were Elephant and Castle, if you were wondering. We went over with a couple staying in the hotel next door, who dressed as Cockfosters (it was as bad as you're thinking) and Bank, and found Hayl in the bar with Jo and Lorraine (why, yes, I will be throwing a thousand names at you!) and did some pictures, said hello to Rebecca, and went in the party room, checking out the other costumes and queueing up for drinks. I had some miniatures on me, so we ordered cokes and made some mixers up ;) they were playing recent stuff, until they played Carry On My Wayward Son which is a cue for Supernatural fans to go nuts, so Hayl dragged us onto the dance floor, where I stayed while they did good music, but Cat left to go sit down again :( shame, because Michaela and Lyns and their friends found us and joined in, and we bumped into Jo and Lorraine again and there was a really good atmosphere! Jo said that Julie, another girl from the Facebook group, was sitting near the back and wanted to chat, so I went and talked to her and she said maybe we could split a taxi home? Which was fine, and I mentioned it to Cat … until we lost Julie and I couldn't find her again! We got in a taxi with the couple we came down with and two other girls instead, who for some reason I still can't fathom, showed me a picture and told me it was from the finale (who makes dick moves like that?). And then in the room I was trying to do my hair for the pie outfit I had planned, but it didn't work without my sister doing it :( that whole outfit was a fail, but that's for another entry.
I feel like I've heavily summarised this, and I'm sorry! I'll do Saturday and Sunday separately, and then go into some parts deeper, if that makes sense?
If any other Asylumers read this, please feel free to add your story in the comments! Would love to hear them!
I left the house about 11.45 driving to Cat's house. My first time driving on the M25, and the M1 and it was on my own. I was terrified. All my pre-con nerves were about making it on those roads, getting to Cat's house without becoming hopelessly lost in her town, checking in with no problems, and getting our tickets. I mentioned briefly at the time that I was dealing with something unexpected on this blog, without highlighting it, but here it is - our tickets got cancelled for a week. It was a misunderstanding, and we were polite with the con runner about the issue, but I was still nervous about whether they were really reinstated. Anxiety is a beast. I'll discuss it more in another one of these, probably at the end. I want to get it right.
Anyway, so the drive wasn't too bad. Cat doesn't live far from where my grandparents did, so that was helpful, my route went by a lot of landmarks familiar for my childhood. I only got lost around the corner from her house because my notes merely mentioned road names, not directions, and although I'd tried to copy where my friend Charli had driven a few weeks before for McBusted, I still lost it because she got lost and went a different route! I still got there pretty quick, but then I was busting for a pee, so Cat let me use her toilet (thank you!)
And then we drove up to Birmingham, which was an experience. Lorry drivers really don't give a shit if you're in the faster lane, they're going to pull out anyway. And I - sorry Cat - began playing the Eddie Stobart game as we got further north. They were everywhere, which makes no sense because what do Eddie Stobart even do? Yeah, I should have announced about that game, sorry :( dick move.
We got to the hotel about 3.30? Which wasn't bad considering I was trying to drive on a few major roads, navigating a route with CatNav that I've never done before. We only drove into the wrong carpark once :/ and then check in was easy, and we decided to go check out the route to the Hilton, where the con was, maybe talk to some fans, grab some dinner.
I think we were both thinking the Hilton was going to be so far away, but it maybe took us ten minutes to get there? That made us both more confident. I had both our tickets, and we both had our ID, so we were set :) we bumped into a group of people from the con page, only three of whom I recognised, Dave, Brenda and Hayl, but everyone else was friendly. We ended up going with Hayl and another girl, Georgina, to check out the Wetherspoons in the NEC for dinner. Rammed. So we went back to Hayl's room and ordered Dominoes, which arrived when we needed to queue for getting registered. We ate in the queue! So sorry to everyone who could smell our pizza and was hungry while waiting to go ahead!
We got through the first stage of registering okay, but when we were meant to collect our packs they sent us to the guy who arranged the conventions. Which made me poop myself (not literally) but he just said they were making up our packs there and then. So phew! It didn't take long, and then we went back to the hotel for an early night (in theory) and so we could go through the schedule in the packs to see what we'd be doing with the things we'd planned for. Cat got to sleep pretty quickly, which I'm jealous of, my brain won't shut off even when my body's given up and my eyes are closing.
Anyway, so next day I was up at stupid o'clock and saw some people were already queueing for photo ops. Really? We got dressed and headed into the airport so I could grab some milk for my shakes and then went to the Hilton, and found Hayl again, but they said it would be much later for photo ops sales, they were just doing tickets and registration. And about half hour later, we found out where they were selling the ops, and got there just before the big queues. Sarah sold us our tickets, bless her, she was working so hard but was nowhere near as fast as the girl next to her, Emma. It wasn't a competition, of course, but I think she felt pressured from excitable fans.
So once we got the ops, we chilled out in the bar, not ordering any of their food. I'd brought some stuff with me, Cat and I snuck that ;) another fan came up to chat with us, and I'm sure she's a nice enough girl but she kinda dominated the conversation and I couldn't really relate to anything she was saying, at all. I tried to participate, but I don't think replying would have made any difference to be honest. We found out the Hilton were putting on a snack room that was cheaper than the bar, and we went there for dinner. And omfg, that girl! Everyone else was eating, chatting a little, even across tables, which was pretty cool, but she was just … I don't know if she's an only child - not an excuse - or if she was overexcitable or what, but she was like 'I'm going to obviously lick my plate in public and when no one comments I'll make a statement about it' and Cat tried telling her it was something we were trying to ignore so then she ate someone else's leftovers. I can't even … I know in a situation like the convention, not everyone would be friendly or normal, but it wasn't like the actors were about, you know? She felt like she was obviously attention-seeking, and trampling over some good conversations. And then she was like 'oh, those girls want to sit with me but I wanted to sit with you' and it was hard not to look at Cat or Hayl then, because I think all three of us felt like we could have had a good conversation, or found something awesome to do, but we had to sit there and listen to this girl most of the day. I feel like a bitch for saying it, because like I said, maybe there was something really wrong, but she wore me out!
We went to get ready for the themed party that night, which was based on the London tube … my costume was not the awesome I was expecting :/ ah well, it was made with love, that was the important thing. We were Elephant and Castle, if you were wondering. We went over with a couple staying in the hotel next door, who dressed as Cockfosters (it was as bad as you're thinking) and Bank, and found Hayl in the bar with Jo and Lorraine (why, yes, I will be throwing a thousand names at you!) and did some pictures, said hello to Rebecca, and went in the party room, checking out the other costumes and queueing up for drinks. I had some miniatures on me, so we ordered cokes and made some mixers up ;) they were playing recent stuff, until they played Carry On My Wayward Son which is a cue for Supernatural fans to go nuts, so Hayl dragged us onto the dance floor, where I stayed while they did good music, but Cat left to go sit down again :( shame, because Michaela and Lyns and their friends found us and joined in, and we bumped into Jo and Lorraine again and there was a really good atmosphere! Jo said that Julie, another girl from the Facebook group, was sitting near the back and wanted to chat, so I went and talked to her and she said maybe we could split a taxi home? Which was fine, and I mentioned it to Cat … until we lost Julie and I couldn't find her again! We got in a taxi with the couple we came down with and two other girls instead, who for some reason I still can't fathom, showed me a picture and told me it was from the finale (who makes dick moves like that?). And then in the room I was trying to do my hair for the pie outfit I had planned, but it didn't work without my sister doing it :( that whole outfit was a fail, but that's for another entry.
I feel like I've heavily summarised this, and I'm sorry! I'll do Saturday and Sunday separately, and then go into some parts deeper, if that makes sense?
If any other Asylumers read this, please feel free to add your story in the comments! Would love to hear them!
progress
Let's ignore the fact that this is practically my June shot. And most of May I failed horribly on the exercise aspect. And for a couple of days after the convention my routine got messed up. And in the pictures I have a Gryffindor towel on my head and I've covered my face with my phone and there's a lot of crap by our back door. Progress photo's for the diet!
Obviously, the last ones I've taken, rather than my sister, so the angle's different, but you can see my tummy going down. Worried about my boobs though, bra buying is going to get even more complicated :(
I love doing Herbalife. I was worried that, because I linked my weight gain with my illness, when I started doing it the whole thing would come undone in my head and I'd be the shape I used to like but I'd still be fatigued and lacklustre and find it hard to communicate still, but the great thing about the plan Lydia and I have worked out is that I do have more energy, and I feel like I think things through the way I did - testament by how many stories I'm working on now - and I feel like me again. I never thought that would happen. And by and large, there's some really good stuff happening in my life. I mean, there's some not so great things too, because life's like that, but I'm trying to be more positive, where I can. I know it's stupid to link your weight and body shape to happiness and normally I would be against that, but at the same time, I think when you find a place you're comfortable with, and you lose that but then you have the opportunity to get it back, you should do it if you know it's going to help you in your confidence levels. So yeah, it's true when they say that Herbalife is a lifestyle change :D thank you so much, Lydia!
Friday 23 May 2014
*wipes dust off the blog and sits down*
Phew! So, for the past fortnight (yeah, it's been longer since I updated, sorry!) I've been going non-stop. I have been writing my next Supernatural recap when I grab five minutes, but … five minutes is a hot commodity sometimes. But it's my first day off-off so hey. Hey! How're you? How've you been? Yeah, I'm still blogging!
Lydia mentioned I hadn't yet recapped the convention, which took place last week. I - surprisingly - have a lot to say on the subject. So in the next few weeks, I will be creating a series of blogs with individual themes based on my experience of the con. I have that much to say! I might also link the actors into the ones that reference them via twitter (and if you followed those links, thank you, actors!) so please bear with me. I also have a LOT of writing projects on. Like the Christmas anthology for the writer's group and my WIP (must do some!) and my fanfics. The con lot keep distracting me (but I love them anyway!)
I just wanted you all to know I'm still alive and kicking! I haven't even done my May photo for herbalife yet :( last progress was 11 stone 10 pounds, so that's 19 pounds dropped so far! Woo! Still have 24 pounds to go, but I'm nearly halfway there!
In other news, I bumped into one of my high school crowd yesterday, her boyfriend was trying on a suit and she came over to look for shoes. Crazy! Even crazier, she works in head office! So, my old high school buddy is a little bit my boss, sort of. Was good to catch up! I thought most of our old crowd were still in the midlands, and only a few came back but apparently most of them are local so a meet up needs to happen!
And I bumped into someone who still works in McDonald's today, was good to catch up with her too. That branch sounds even worse, if that's even possible. I didn't think it was, but … I'm so glad I'm out of there! She's applying for a new business that's starting up locally, and I hope she gets it. It sounds like they can't keep anyone there, and it's not because the staff are bad people, but it's a tough job at the best of times and throw on the way management lean on staff on top … yeah. It's pretty much Hell on Earth.
Lydia mentioned I hadn't yet recapped the convention, which took place last week. I - surprisingly - have a lot to say on the subject. So in the next few weeks, I will be creating a series of blogs with individual themes based on my experience of the con. I have that much to say! I might also link the actors into the ones that reference them via twitter (and if you followed those links, thank you, actors!) so please bear with me. I also have a LOT of writing projects on. Like the Christmas anthology for the writer's group and my WIP (must do some!) and my fanfics. The con lot keep distracting me (but I love them anyway!)
I just wanted you all to know I'm still alive and kicking! I haven't even done my May photo for herbalife yet :( last progress was 11 stone 10 pounds, so that's 19 pounds dropped so far! Woo! Still have 24 pounds to go, but I'm nearly halfway there!
In other news, I bumped into one of my high school crowd yesterday, her boyfriend was trying on a suit and she came over to look for shoes. Crazy! Even crazier, she works in head office! So, my old high school buddy is a little bit my boss, sort of. Was good to catch up! I thought most of our old crowd were still in the midlands, and only a few came back but apparently most of them are local so a meet up needs to happen!
And I bumped into someone who still works in McDonald's today, was good to catch up with her too. That branch sounds even worse, if that's even possible. I didn't think it was, but … I'm so glad I'm out of there! She's applying for a new business that's starting up locally, and I hope she gets it. It sounds like they can't keep anyone there, and it's not because the staff are bad people, but it's a tough job at the best of times and throw on the way management lean on staff on top … yeah. It's pretty much Hell on Earth.
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