Wednesday 30 April 2014

Sweet!

I just got favourited on twitter by a Ghostfacer. One who's going to the con. Must meet him now for hugs ;)

I may have said a Ghostfacers series would have more love than the recent spin-off they piloted mid-series … this is going over your heads, probably. Sorry. I love Ed and Harry ...

Tuesday 29 April 2014

Comfort zone

So, probably revisiting some old topics in this post, for which I'm sorry. Notoriously bad Short Term Memory. But this is me talking about my writing.

In particular, writing genres and styles. As a writer, you develop what JK Rowling calls your writing DNA. It was something Lennon and McCartney were aware of - no matter what name they released under, people would hear the Beatles. Whatever pseudonym Rowling writes with, you can tell it's Rowling.

My DNA is pretty simple to me. I prefer first-person, recently-past-tense. Emotional writing, exploring characters. YA Literary fiction. That's easy to me.

I've tried to stretch it before. I tried to apply for GMTV's erotica novel competition. First life lesson in writing - I can't write erotica.

And then I got into Supernatural fan fiction, and although a lot of what's out there is high school AU like my actual writing, I found myself sinking my teeth into other projects. Some of it was stick-to-what-you-know, exploring relationships, but it wasn't all tween.

And then I got talking to Cynthia, who I feel like I owe so much to. She normally does erotica, but was trying humorous stuff on the site. She has me almost crying with laughter. We were talking about the first romance-style story I'd written and other ideas we'd had - it happens. A lot, lol - and she said she often wants more from my work. So I tried one of my new ideas, and sent her what I'd written. Cynthia's a pretty awesome editor, she nudged me pretty hard without taking away from what I was writing or writing it for me, which is the kind of relationship you want with anyone beta-ing or editing your work. I pushed myself so hard with her suggestions. I still feel proud by what she got out of me.

And then I had yet another idea from something throw-away, as I do, and I wrote it down. It's … okay, it's my first attempt at complete smut. I'm not going to link it, you do your research and hunt it down if you're intrigued. Anyway, it's unbetaed, unedited, full of typos … but it's out there. And it's had more views in one day than my other pieces … but still not had many reviews.

On a site like that, reviews are so useful for growth. So now I'm wondering if it was good but I shouldn't have rushed to get it out (not because I don't care, but because … look, I don't feel good when I read that sort of thing through. Like, my eyes get funny, I can't concentrate, I get sleepy, it's weird. Editing was out of the question) or it was good but no one has anything more to say. It's frustrating! I'm so needy, lol, but while I'm not publishing properly, I would appreciate good feedback, you know? Good as in detailed, not necessarily positive.

Still, the exposure makes me wonder if, because it does take more effort for me, I have a talent at it that maybe I should pursue? I'm still doing the one Cynthia pushed me on, so we'll see how creative I can get at it before I even consider that. Because I am well out of my comfort zone writing stuff like this.

No wonder I'm struggling with my series!

Saturday 26 April 2014

Shhhhh

I bought Noah a tee today, the proceeds of which go to Misha Collins charity, Random Acts. It looks like this:

sorry, can't get an image any other way

Noah loves West Collins, at the webshow Misha does with him, Cooking Fast And Fresh With West, so he'll get it, and be so pleased. But no telling him, okay? It's a surprise for when they finally sell the other 13 shirts! Hint hint ;)

Radio Silence

So for my lack of obsessive updates. It's not been intentional. I've been poor all around on my writing lately. Again, not intentional. It's just something that happens with me, I write in cycles. And when I can't write as easily, I read. When I can't concentrate on books, I write. I'm in a weird place where I haven't done much of either, which are the moments I hate.

Maybe it's because I've been so active, which is a little counter-productive, because the more I physically do, the less I can physically and mentally do. Like, I went to see McBusted on Monday - which was amazing, by the way - and had a couple of drinks as a treat. I slept in the car on the way home, even though, bless her, Charli had barely slept the night before and was driving. I felt guilty as hell for that. And then I slept when I got home, and I still have a headache from the drinking. Seriously, I had a strongbow, half a strawberry Brothers and a Disaronno and coke, not enough to even begin to get drunk, let alone have a hangover, and yet it still hurts. Which has hampered my attempts to write or exercise and I may have gained a couple of pounds doing it. I've been thinking for a long time that I need to cut drinking out completely, but I drink so rarely anyway that I always think it can't be so bad the few times I try it. I'm not drinking at the convention, or I'll ruin it for myself.

At least I'm storyboarding in my head when I'm fatigued and useless. At least I'm still functioning for work. Just have to get my ideas down, right?

Monday 14 April 2014

Writer's group

So, I went to the writer's group on Saturday. Sarah-Jane had transportation issues so we couldn't sit together :( but I was there about the same time Sofia (spelling checked, lol!) was there so I didn't feel like a complete loser going in.

It was good, the people seem really friendly. We started with about 30-40 minutes of a writing task, then people read them out, then there was a brief tea-and-chat break, and then people talked about their monthly targets and the anthologies they've been working on.

The writing challenge was good. I think I did okay with it, but in a situation like that, maybe it's just me, but I didn't want to read my writing out until I gauged the calibre of the room. Is that really bad of me? Like, I know we're all from different styles, genres, target audiences, experience, life goals … but I didn't want to read it out and have that feeling of 'well, they're being nice but I can tell they think it's shit'. So maybe if I write something I like next month, I'll read it out, because the stuff they read out was good, but not to a point where I'd think 'oh shit, I'm so bad at this in comparison'. Crippling self-doubt is such a pleasant part of being a writer.

I think I have a couple of ideas for the Christmas anthology I've been invited to take part in. Got to work on those. I also said I'd do their flash fiction monthly project, which I'll work on tomorrow. I freaking love writing!

Although I'm doing that thing again that I do frequently where I've written a good 3k today and I'm like 'ugh, I'm so uninspired and lazy with my writing' and all the writers I know struggling to hit 500w want me to die. I think the difference is, sometimes when I'm writing, although I'm picturing it and can get down the basics of a scene I don't feel it, and I'm such an emotional writer that if I don't enjoy it as I'm typing I don't think it's any good, even though reading through later it feels fine. So I may have 3k but in my head I have 3k of utter shit whereas you have 500w of well crafted words. Which one of us is honestly the better writer, there?

This is why I'm so glad that Cynthia's got such great advice. She keeps telling me she wants more from me, but giving great examples and last time she looked over a piece I did, she got it to go from 1.2k to 3.2k. And it's one of the most intense pieces I've ever done. She's freaking inspirational! I wish I was confident enough in breaking down the rules of grammar that seem so inherent in me, that I could explain things in the way she does. This is why I'd never be an editor, lol, I can't get a teacher head on. Which is bizarre, because I'm related to a lot of teachers.

I'm rambling now, Apologies.

About to make a dick move, because … wow

Okay, I don't exactly remember how it happened, because it appears I'm quite the virtual social butterfly these days, but a while ago I started following the blog of a fellow novice author. Haven't read her stuff, though it did sound interesting.

Her latest post however, has made me decide to unfollow her. Like, I've been debating for a while, because I don't know her and I'm not sure I'd really be into the book, the more I learn about it, and then in my blogger buzz, her latest update came up, and well, maybe you'd get my decision?


Like, I get that it's her experience she's drawing from an all, but still, sweeping statements can be harmful. I'm not saying I'm innocent of making them, but I do try and catch myself when I make them. That one, however, is so damaging I just can't endorse her writing any more. Which kinda sucks, but hey, maybe she made a dick move first?

I'll do another SPN update soon, I promise. I've sort-of lost my headphones in the general shit piled up in my room. I need a major clean up/reorganise/throw out! But soon. I believe Sarah-Jane is, at this moment, watching the next episode I'm recapping. Lydia's in season two now. And we can all agree that Dean Winchester is pretty much the ideal man *sighes*

**edit** I will unfollow anyway, as soon as blogger gives up that bastard secret.

Friday 11 April 2014

Small blessings

I haven't posted much lately. I'm sorry. I'm actually having to deal with something I thought I wouldn't have to, and I'm feeling really emotional over it. If you don't know the details, I'm sure you will soon enough. But I don't want to dwell on the negative, I want to embrace the positive. There's too much negative out there. So some positives:

-I went to my friend Sarah Banham's book launch last night. She's releasing her 7th (I think) self-published book, in print. It's called 'I've got a pen and I'm not afraid to use it' and you should check it out, because Sarah's given me some wonderful advice and it's all there in book form. She's such a sweetheart too, she deserves success. I met up with Sarah-Jane there, and met Sophia who goes to Writebulb, a group I'll be attending for the first time on Saturday. I'm excited to be joining a writing group! Sophia gave me a book recommendation too, because what I need is to add to my to-read pile. I haven't read a book, save for Cynthia's work-in-progress, for ages. I've been cranking out my own writing instead.

-This picture! It marks my first stone lost, I took the photograph for proof. I'm really sorry about my skanky feet, I think I have to sort out my toenails. And yeah, my little toe is practically non-existent. Family trait. Sorry it's sideways, I took it on my phone.


-I'll be going to mcbusted with most of my very best friends *cough*Jodie*cough* on Easter Monday, and should be getting a tummy wrap at some point before it, hopefully.

I can't think of anything else right now. That's a little depressing. Hmmm.

Wednesday 9 April 2014

Sometimes, Noah and I shouldn't talk.

I love Noah so much. He came up to me this morning with a genuine concern on the things he worries about frequently. Unfortunately for him, my mind has been reset to Supernatural Mode, and anything that slightly references the show will lead to a conversation about it.

See, he does believe in Heaven and Hell as concrete things (rather than me, who sees it more as abstract, but that's a long story) and he's very worried that if he gets told off once, he'll be sent straight to Hell. I get that concern, especially with the seriousness of our church. It's Anglican, not Catholic, but compared to my brother's Methodist church and my sister's Congregational one, it's practically stoic.

Anyway, so he came up to me today and started the following conversation, which I didn't really think on past the smarts comebacks before my sister came to his rescue with actual religious background (she's also studying religion at University, so this is her Thing):

Noah: Mummy, when you go to Heaven that means you'll never die.
Me: When you go to Heaven, it means you're dead.
Noah: But your soul doesn't die.
Me: Unless you get eaten by Leviathan. Or absorbed by an angel on a power trip.
Noah: No, your soul gets turned into an angel. Or if you go down, your soul becomes a devil.
Me: Well, souls can become demons, but I don't think they can become angels.

Obviously, I'm thinking of season seven, and it's only in retrospect that I considered the fact I might be terrifying my six-year-old and removing the veil of innocence by basically telling him 'yeah, dream on kid, you'll never be an angel' which I think he was aiming for? I didn't mean that, I mean, of course he's a wonderful kid and deserves the best and hush! I'm his mother, I get to say and think that he's the best and deserves the best. I'm just really awkward with theological debates. He should stop trying to start them with me, because the last time he didn't understand that I don't see God as anthropomorphic and more in line with the concept of the Holy Spirit deal. I didn't use the word anthropomorphic obviously, since he's six. I probably confused the hell out of him.

This is how Supernatural is ruining my life, clearly.

Friday 4 April 2014

Whoops!

So, you know how you innocently write total crap on twitter? I bitched about my parents talking on bakery boss, and me missing it, and I shit you not, they just read out my tweet. In the break. My sister's skyplussing it, so now I have to warn her to watch when they're definitely not home! I didn't even hashtag that shit, didn't say they could stalk me, what the fuck, TLC UK? My mum's in the room too! Luckily, she's asleep, but still, now I have to do damage control. Fuckers.

Going back to read Cynthia's story. I've got my eye on you, twitter o_O

Wednesday 2 April 2014

Slightly nicer pic included.

I'm getting so excited, it's McBusted in less than three weeks, the con in less than 6 and katy Perry in about 8.

And I've got one of my outfits almost sorted for the con! I've got to do my hair when I get there, and I need to do the jewellery still, and now I have to fix a shoe, but my cherry pie girl outfit so far?


It's more of a suggestion of pie than an actual outfit. Debating getting red and green face paint and drawing tiny cherries on my cheek. Too far? Also debating taking some Bakewell tarts on the day to hand around. Again, too far?

This post should come with a health warning.

Look, I took my latest herbalife photo after a workout, before a shower. I've said my face goes red on the stupidest things before, but after exercise? Well, you're about to see. Also, it turns out, if you wear a colourful patterned bra under a white vest, you can stain the top. Yeah, they're sweat patches, and running dye. I'm so hot!

I'm actually starting to feel good about my body again. I've changed since the photos (and had a shower, phew!) and my stomach doesn't look horribly huge any more. You'll probably disagree after seeing these pictures, as I'm including a side view this time and there's clearly some pork to shift.

I'm having a weigh-in with Lydia tomorrow, but as of right now I weigh 12 stone, 4 pounds. Or 172 pounds. So I've lost 11 pounds in four weeks. That's pretty good going but I'm really competitive so I'm not satisfied. And in my head I know that soon the scales are going to read 11 stone 13 pounds and for some reason it scares me to have four numbers on that little screen.

So, my start-of-April photo:



Told you, it's like a fucking traffic light, isn't it?

And just for comparisons:


I know, it's not as close up, but the muffin top's going, right? Wish my sister had done a similar shot. But that would require effort, I guess? Sorry you all had to see that. Twice. This post is more for me than you guys though, sorry.